hidden potatoes

2011-07-31T23:19:00.001+08:00

I've moved to www.countingrainbows.wordpress.com!!!!!

For those who've known me for quite some time/are one of my better friends, you might find it weird that I've decided to use countingrainbows as my url, but the other one still exists hahaha :)

I feel a little sad to be leaving this blog, especially considering how long I've had it (coming to 6 years, mind you), but I think it's time to leave this chapter of my life behind and move on to new things (e.g. wordpress). Read my new post on my new blog cause I'm lazy to retype everything here hehe.

I'll miss you, blogger. :(

2011-07-31T00:53:00.001+08:00

I think that people should be banned from asking why when they've just been informed that a person has recently broken up with someone. Have a little more EQ, thanks. I felt like punching everyone who brought up the b word. Which is to say, practically everybody at Ee Por's dinner today.

But other than that, I had a fabulous time with the cousins. Finally got to catch up with David and made plans with him to celebrae our birthdays on the 3rd of sept, right in between our birthdays. Also got to feel his buff arms, which are a result of several thousand months in OCS. Hahaha. Got to see Jon and Grace as well. :)

But the highlight of the night was David, who upon hearing about the b word thing, very cleverly and tactfully remained silent. Sometimes, I ~~hate~~ strongly dislike David for reasons to be left unmentioned, but the way we understand each other and seem to be able to communicate without words is comforting. And I love how we don't have to talk every day for us to remain close. We can go for months without talking and yet resume right where we left off when we eventually meet again. :)

2011-07-30T13:35:00.000+08:00

Yesterday at the doctor, I saw the most heartbreaking scene ever.

So I was waiting for my turn to see the doctor, trying to ignore the burning pain in my throat when I saw this little Vietnamese kid who couldn't have been more than 3 years old. He looked at me while waiting for his turn and gave me the cheekiest grin ever. He was really so adorable with his hair waxed up and looking all cool and everything. And he was so little that his tiny legs couldn't even touch the floor when he sat on the chair. He was sitting next to this man (who wasn't Vietnamese but I don't wanna say his race here) and a woman that I assume to be his mom.

When it was his turn, he jumped off the chair and followed his mom into the room, and roughly 5 minutes later, he started screaming and shouting. I assumed it to be just another kid who didn't want a vaccination, which is normal, since I'm almost 18 and I still hate vaccinations. But then the man started shouting back at him, telling him to stop it and that he was a big boy now. That obviously made the crying worse and they both kept shouting at each other and I could hear the mom yelling something in Vietnamese. The boy kept screaming "it's painful it's painful!" in agony and I immediately felt tears spring into my eyes cause I know what it's like to go through the anxiety of waiting for the darn needle to pierce your skin. But it must have been 100 times worse for him cause he's just a little toddler, and not to mention his yelling mom.

After a couple of minutes of the back and forth yelling, the man was like "____ this shit, you're going home. You're going back to Vietnam." and he dragged the boy out, basically threw him onto a chair, hurled his shoes at him and paced around the waiting room while everyone looked on in shock.

The boy continued sobbing softly and kept looking at me and I wanted to go over and comfort him so badly, to tell him that it's okay and that I know how evil vaccinations are, and that it's perfectly okay to cry because they really are painful. I felt like crying with him but I had to hold my tears back because it'd just be ridiculous if I did that. It'd make things so much worse too.

And the man suddenly just jumped at him and the boy started wailing and shouted "it's painful!" over and over again and the man screamed "you wanna know what's painful? This is painful!" and started smacking the boy's ass repeatedly as the boy started screaming and crying even harder.

After a while, the man picked him up and walked straight out of the clinic and started shouting at the boy even more, accusing him of humiliating him in public and for being such a nuisance and a waste of money. The mom then came out of the doctor's office, looked around embarrassedly and walked out of the clinic to join the man and her son. I thought that she'd stop the man from beating her kid or at least comfort her son, as I thought any normal mom would do. But instead, she joined in the screaming and basically made the boy cry even more. She called him a wimp and a baby. But he's 3. He is a baby.

They then walked off. Or more like they dragged the boy off by force and the whole clinic fell silent after witnessing what had just happened.

And I couldn't help but cry and cry at what I had just seen, because I felt like I should have done something. I wanted so badly to go out and stop it but I didn't know what to do. I wanted someone to do something, but how can I expect others to do something if I won't even do it myself. I felt ridiculous and stupid to cry so hard at something that didn't even concern me, and everyone was staring at me in slight amusement, but I couldn't help it. It really was the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever seen in real life.

I hate how we're all jut passive onlookers. I hate how I can't do anything but cry.

2011-07-29T23:58:00.002+08:00

I thought I was okay. I thought I had moved on cause I was so happy the past few days. But today happened and made me realise that I still have so much more to learn.

2011-07-29T00:19:00.001+08:00

Tantan: *mumbles something suspicious*
Me: What did you say?!?
Tantan: Nothing!
Me: Nothing will come of nothing! Speak again! *bursts into peals of laughter*
Tantan: *._. face (or at least what I expect him to do since this convo took place over the phone*

Omg I need to stop all my King Lear references. But admit it, IT WAS SO APT RIGHT?!? But he insists that his IB days are over & I should stop making IOC referenced to everything sigh.

OH NUNCLE!

2011-07-27T00:05:00.001+08:00

Today was a happy day. Thank you God for making today a lot better. :)

2011-07-25T20:23:00.003+08:00

I feel like I'm dying. That's a very emo statement to make but I feel like I'm dying. I can't breathe properly and I can't think without my heart beating so fast that my head throbs and without tears welling up in my eyes but hardly ever enough to drop and make me cry. I can't stand it when people ask me if I'm okay and I say yes because I am okay at the point when they're asking but I'm not at every other time. I hate it when people keep telling me that I need to get myself together because IOC is coming soon and IB is just round the corner, cause seriously, do you think I don't know that? I feel like punching someone whenever they say that everything's gonna be okay, cause yes I do know that everything's gonna be okay but yes we can sit and fantasise all we want about how things are going to be different one day but this is today and it sucks. I'd like to think that it'd be okay tomorrow, or even next week, and perhaps maybe next month, but you and I know that I'm not going to be okay any time soon. I appreciate that people keep telling me to give all my worries, all my frustrations and all my hurt to God and I am trying. I am trying ever so hard to trust in Him, to know that He has a perfect plan for me. But I keep trying and trying and that's all I ever seem to be doing. Not just in this aspect but for everything else as well. I keep trying to forgive you but I can't. I keep trying to make you proud of me but you never are. I keep trying to fix things between you guys but I never do. I keep trying to get over you, but the exact opposite is happening. I want to stop trying, to just give up, but that's not what I'm going to let myself do. I'm gonna be strong and I'm going to keep trying. But I feel like I'm dying.

God my God, I cry out, your beloved needs you now.

2011-07-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

When words fail me, Joelz somehow understands and knows how to put my thoughts and feelings into simple phrases so easily. Thank you for always being there for me. :)

[b]† [c=2]Chaos Legend[/c] † Preservation of the Martyr in Me †[/b] says: (PM 09:20:38)
well I guess either way
do what you have to I guess, especially since exams are drawing so close
but I'll always be here if you need anything at all alright? :)

Michelle says: (PM 09:26:10)
thanks joel
i guess what makes it especially hard is that i had a whole future ahead planned out for us
and knowing that those are just going to remain as plans that never come to pass is
pretty annoying
they were pretty fabulous plans

[b]† [c=2]Chaos Legend[/c] † Preservation of the Martyr in Me †[/b] says: (PM 09:27:18)
annoying seems like the wrong word here heh

Michelle says: (PM 09:27:28)
yeah i dont know what else to say
my vocab fails me at timese like these

[b]† [c=2]Chaos Legend[/c] † Preservation of the Martyr in Me †[/b] says: (PM 09:28:38)
infuriating or disheartening would probably work better depending on the effect you were trying to achieve
but I guess as emotional human beings we tend to idealize many things
and it's all fine and good, till we realize these ideals are oftentimes just smashed and unfufilled in the end
and this is the sardonic cynic in me speaking, but sometimes, that's just what they are: dreams

2011-07-22T21:02:00.000+08:00

The past week has been eventful, to say the least. It has also been exceedingly tiring.

Just got back Mid Year exam results today and they weren't fabulous, but neither were they disastrous. I guess I have to say that I actually am pretty happy about it given the circumstances during my exam period and how much rubbish I had to deal with at that point in time. Really gotta thank God for somehow carrying me through and helping me to remain focused during my papers. :) Whatever results I achieved is purely by God's grace and nothing to do with my own effort.

My Macbook charger broke down a couple of hours ago and I've been as anxious as ants on a hot grill (hahaha re guo shang de ma yi!!!), so I went straight to the Apple service place thingy at Wheelock immediately after dance and found out that I need to get a new charger, which cost a frickin $128. I only had $122 on me, so I frantically called a whole lot of random people, hoping that someone would be at orchard and would be able to lend me a miserable $6. In the end, Aunty Lyndee came down to pass me money and I got my Mac charger and I am now a happy little girl. :) Other than for the fact that my Mac looks ridiculously dirty when put next to my shiny charger.

Also watched Harry Potter with Tantan yesterday! :) It was slightly disappointing. And even though I hadn't read the book before watching it, I could still remember every little detail as if I had just read the book yesterday. And throughout the movie, I kept thinking "no that's not the way things are supposed to happen". I have to admit that the movie remained fairly loyal to the books, but there were still several things that ticked me off. But the company was good nevertheless. :)

Before the movie, I had a quick err, meal with Joshua at Plaza while waiting for Tantan. I hadn't seen him in ages so it was good to catch up again. But he kept teasing me about my results and everything so I felt like punching his face all the time but nevermind, I am a fabulous OGL and can keep my cool hehehe. :)

IOC is drawing close and I am a little nervous cause I feel terribly unprepared and it seems like I have barely enough time to finish everything. We have 19 extract and I think I can only say that I'm fairly confident of 1 Lear extract and 1 Owen poem. I am pretty screwed, I think.

Yesterday during Physics class, Zinan and I had a very irritating conversation.

Zinan: You're very different from last year.
Me: How so?
Zinan: You're a lot more mature.
Me: :D :D :D :D
Zinan: You seem to have grown from 6 to 7 years old.
Me: ._.
Zinan: It's a compliment okay! In your 17 physical years, you only grew 6 years. But now you suddenly grew 1 maturity year in 1 physical year!

Omg I swear I wanted to punch him so harddddd hahaha. But when I thought about school, I realised that in four months, he will be going back to China and who knows when we'll meet again. :\ But then I started thinking about it more and I realised that I don't know how many people I'll keep in touch with after IB. Sure we're all good friends now and we can have a ball of a time together, but how many of these people that we see every day now are going to remain in our lives, even after all the torture of IB we've been through together? And that bothered me quite a bit.

I remember Manda and I had this conversation last year on the last day of Camp for Friends when we talked about how people in our lives come and go and some person that can mean so much to us today will be a mere part of our past a few years down the road. Isn't that quite sad?

Zinan and I can be good friends now, but what's gonna happen when he goes back to China and I go to dunno where for uni? And then when I think about ACS next time, I'll be like "oh yeah... I had a friend called Zinan. I wonder how he's doing..." (Zinan, if you're reading this, no offence k. You're just an example!) Omg the thought of me ever doing that to any of my current friends right now is just so gefwiohgoihrwrohigrpjo :(

I feel a little bummed now that I'm thinking about it again. :( I think I should go and make myself more miserable by reading a tragedy. To be more specific, a tragedy called King Lear.

2011-07-13T00:21:00.000+08:00

I wish that I was worth it. But after what you said last year, I can't help but wonder if I ever meant anything to you.

2011-07-07T14:44:00.000+08:00

Read this on tumblr heehee. I love tumblr. It makes me happy. :)

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher

2011-07-07T12:37:00.000+08:00

Today, I was listening to What Faith Can Do on the way to school. It kinda made me feel peaceful. :)

2011-07-06T13:14:00.000+08:00

I've been dealing pretty well the past few days. I haven't really thought about you very much. But it's especially at times like these when I really wish I could still talk to you and know that everything's gonna be okay.

2011-07-04T21:35:00.001+08:00

I had a really great day today. :) Which is actually pretty surprising cause I expected myself to have a really bad day since I woke up feeling really sad when I checked facebook. But the day became a lot better after that. :)

I finally talked to Momo about some faith issues that have been bothering me. I told her about my views and how I think Christianity should be like, which is basically and most importantly a relationship with God. Without the relationship, the religion is nothing. And I elaborated more (I shan't talk about it here, cause religion is a rather touchy subject to discuss online), telling her about my plans for the future. I've been meaning to have that conversation with her for quite some time, perhaps several months or so. I was a little nervous about actually broaching the subject, but somehow I woke up and knew that today was the day that I was going to tell her. And thank God, it went well. Okay I wouldn't say that it went perfectly, but it was as good as it could have been.

I also talked to her about some other issues that I've hidden from her for quite some time. I haven't actually really intentionally hidden them from her. I just couldn't find the right time to discuss them with her, and I didn't want to worry her unnecessarily. I wanted to wait till I was entirely calm and knew that I wouldn't break down when I talked to her about it. So today, I told her about it and I didn't cry, which is surprising because my mum is usually the person whom I reveal most of my emotions to. If there's anyone I'd cry to about this, it'd probably be her. But anyway, she gave me her opinion on the matter and I'm now deciding on whether to take her advice or not.

Yesterday was also Chris' birthday party. Haha it didn't go as badly as I thought it would have, though it was a little tough when people started asking me where a particular person was. But I managed to remain composed and explain slowly and patiently, and respond to their "What?! Why!"s and "Oh no, are you okay???"s and "don't worry, you're still young!"s. Haha it was a little amusing, yet rather sad at the same time.

Then they started trying to pair me up with Glenn, who, btw, is 11 years old. (But I think that they were kidding about it. I think.) He is 11 years old and he's taller than me. I kid you not. He's a frickin 170cm. Have you ever met such a tall P5 kid? Sigh. I felt incredibly short cause I was only like, 150+ when I was that age?

Went to a new church yesterday too! Not really to experience a new environment, but more out of convenience cause it was near SICC, which was where my brother's party was held. But doing so made me think more about the issues that I am already facing and only served to re-confirm my future decisions.

But anyway, back to today. I had a great day with Lyd actually, even though we didn't even do very much. We just studied mainly hahaha. But I talked to her for about an hour about religion and my views towards it. It was kinda like what I told my mum earlier on, just in a less scary environment.

And I'm really blessed to have a friend like her to be able to talk to about God without feeling intimidated or upset at my beliefs. It's very hard to find people like her who don't impose their views on you. And I think that's kinda one of the things I miss most about MG. I miss the bobos (Wendy, Ras, Kat, Sahz, Lyd and me), whom I could discuss faith with all the time and actually get intellectual and appropriate answers from. In my entire MG life, I think that they are the ones who really strengthened my faith and brought me closer to God.

And while I'm on the subject of the bobos, I might as well talk about how I am incredibly, incredibly blessed (can't think of another word, sorry hahaha) to have them. They have so much faith in me and my non-existent abilities. And I think I really have to attributed my O level results to them. I highly doubt that I would have done so well if not for them.

We were at KAP having supper after Love MG (which was on Friday btw) and we were talking about uni options. They know how badly I want to go to Stanford cause I've been going on and on and on and on about it since forever, and I kept telling them that I definitely would not get in because very few Singaporeans actually get accepted and stuff. But they kept saying "nooooo can you stop it? You WILL get in." and even though a small part of me knows that I won't, I still feel so comforted knowing that there's someone out there who really believes so strongly in me. When I told them about my O Level results, they were like "I knew you would do it!" and stuff.

And the thing is, when most people tell me such things, I get the feeling that they're just saying it make me feel better about myself even though they don't actually believe it. It's more like just... saying it. But Wendy and Ras make me feel like I really can do it, as long as I try. They were the ones who made me think of ACS as an attainable goal rather than something that I merely dream of. And they're the ones who make me view Stanford as something that I should work towards rather than something that I should just give up on right now. So I'm gonna try extra extra extra hard for Stanford even though there's a very slim chance of me actually getting in because they give me hope. :) Hee.

So while I've been busy spending the past week feeling all sad and emo and shitzzz, God reminded me of how blessed and loved I really am. That's not to say that I'm not sad any longer. I definitely still am. But the sadness is lesser now. :)

To my dearest bobos (and Chelsea hahaha), if you're reading this (and I'm pretty sure you are cause you guys are my loyal readers hehehe), I love you vvvv much. *insert heart shape here*

2011-06-29T18:01:00.002+08:00

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

2011-06-28T18:52:00.000+08:00

Okay enough with all the sad posts. I think I should write a nice, colourful and happy post to drown out all the sad sad sad ones.

EXAMS HAVE STARTED ZOMG.

And I am not stressed. I think I'm more stressed about not being stressed than I actually am about work. Something's wrong there.

English was shit. Econs was shit. Physics was shit hitting the fan.

I think I have become a lot more vulgar this year. Actually no. Not just this year. I think I've become a lot more vulgar since I entered ACS, though that is, of course, rather inevitable given that I'm now in a predominantly boys' school where swearing appears to be their natural language.

I don't mean that I'm swearing with really bad words like the f word (no Joel, I do not agree that the f word is a nice and beautiful word that can be used in every single sentence and I do not consider the "sentence" that you made purely of f words as a comprehensible sentence) or all those horrible hokkien words (though I admit I used one of them for the first time ever a couple of days ago. That was bad sigh.) regularly. There have been instances when it just slips out by accident (only happened twice in my life, thanks), but no, I don't intentionally say it.

I think that the worst words I say are like, bullshit, asshole, and err... yeah. But I've been saying it a lot more regularly and even if I do not actually say the word out loud, I keep screaming it in my head whenever something goes wrong.

Manda even told me that she saw my tweet where I used the word "bullshit" in one of them and she was like ._. "is that Michelle tweeting?" hahaha. Actually no. Scratch the hahaha. I do not want to become more vulgar.

I don't actually see the point of me writing this blog post. What was meant to be a rant about exams turned out to be a strange post about my use of expletives (which was brought on by my comments on the shitty papers).

I think I shall end here because my blog post has become pointless and I don't think I want to backspace and restart a new one. I am a little tired and I shall now return to organic chem.

2011-06-28T18:36:00.001+08:00

Whenever something interesting happens during the day, I think to myself "omg, I have to tell _____ about this" and I whip my phone out and start searching for your name in my inbox so that I can text you but then I scroll down and down and down and realise that your name is so far down my inbox list cause I haven't texted you in days because we aren't speaking. Then I see you on MSN and I click on your name and begin typing furiously and excitedly to tell you about it but no, I can't and have to backspace and I feel sad.

So now I've drawn up a list of things that I'm gonna tell you about on the 7th of July. Be ready to get bombarded with a whole lot of random facts and events that have happened to me over the two weeks. :) Let's do something exciting on the 8th.

2011-06-27T21:04:00.001+08:00

2011-06-26T19:46:00.000+08:00

I will be strong, I will hold on.

2011-06-26T19:15:00.001+08:00

2011-06-24T10:15:00.000+08:00

Was talking to someone (whose name I shan't mention in case her boyfriend sees this) about failing relationships. Or rather, relationships that are going no where. And she said "I don't know why I'm still holding on", because we kind of are in the same, or more like I was in, the same predicament. And I told her (it's kinda modified. I added in some stuff that I just thought of) "Well we hang on cause we love them and you can't bear to let go cause you'll keep asking "what if" in the future if you just leave it now. You don't want to leave cause you're letting go of something that you love, something that brings you joy. But there comes a time when we have to learn to love ourselves too and know what we need rather than what we want."

A couple of days ago, I did something that I'm kinda regretting now. But I know that it's for the best, and it's about time I put an end to something that's not making me happy. A part of me keeps telling myself to reverse things and take the easy way out. But I think I shall let my head rule for once.

2011-06-13T00:10:00.000+08:00

Just got back from Bangkok and it was a great to rest my brain a little from the usual school work/studying that I have to do all the time. But with the distraction of school work put aside, it meant that I had time to think about things that have been sitting at the edge of my mind, waiting for the perfect opportunity to resurface and make me realise that my life is actually pretty... well not screwed up, but I have a lot of tiny unresolved issues that I like to run away from. People keep saying that I run away from my problems, that I always somehow manage to find something to hide under and pretend that everything is okay. But I guess even the fact that I run away from problems is something that I run away from, which is quite... stupid. So now I have a problem within a problem. Sounds quite inceptiony, don't you think?

But even after four days of thinking and sorting out the little problems I have in my life, I realised that I've not gone any further than simply categorising my issues and sorting them out according to urgency. And guess what? After prioritising my issues and deciding on which ones to tackle first, I realised that IB is currently the most urgent of my problems. So looks like I'm back to square one, where I just shove all of my issues aside and focus on IB. But IB is going to be the "thing that I hide under", according to my friends. So... now what?

2011-05-28T01:33:00.000+08:00

I had an incredibly bad day.

First thing in the morning, I woke up late with only 10 minutes to shower + brush teeth + get dressed + have breakfast and by some miracle, I got to school on time. And even had time to hobo outside class as usual.

But then just before assembly, there was this whole big hooha about the class key and I realised that Nigel passed me the key yesterday and I forgot all about it cause I don't usually hold the class key and I had actually left the key in my skirt pocket at home!! I felt so bad and people kept telling me not to feel bad and that it was okay but that made me feel worse because they were all being so nice about it and Nigel made me feel the most bad because he was apologising for passing me the key and making my mum go through all the trouble of coming back to school when it's not even his fault in the first place and I should be the one apologising to everyone! Which I did but it didn't make me feel any better.

After school, I found out that my Econs IA article had to be printed directly from the website. I actually knew that it had to be but since Ms Tengara hadn't said anything about it previously, I didn't think it was that big an issue. ._. But apparently it is, and it got really bad because the link to the article on the web page didn't exist any longer cause the website took it down. So I started panicking like mad, thinking that I had to redo the IA. But I managed to find my IA article published on another website.

I found it on two websites. The first one was from a fairly reputable source so I wanted to use that. But it had funny symbols everywhere, probably due to a technical error on that page or something. Then I wanted to use the second one but for some stupid reason, the library printer refused to print both pages of the article and only printed one, thereby only giving me half an article. -.- Which is super lame. So I printed both. Then I realised that because I changed the source of my article, I had to redo my cover page. But because I didn't bring my laptop to school, I had to retype every darn thing on my cover pages. ._. And send it for reprinting.

So I sent both articles and the cover pages for printing, thinking that I only had to pay like 50 cents at the max. But for some dunno what stupid reason, the first article had 9 pages worth of comments and every single darn page got printed. -.- And somehow, on my way from the library back to class, I lost a page of the article. -.- So I headed back to the library.

Ms Tengara said to use the second article that I found and reprint it so that maybe the second half will come out. I reprinted and reprinted but the darn thing refused to print! But I switched computers and it managed to print in the end. :) But because I changed my source again, I had to retype every darn thing onto the cover page again because I didn't save the cover page document since it is a shared/public computer!!!!! Omg. IT WAS DAMN STRESSFUL OK. I literally ran from classroom to library to staffroom to classroom to library to staffroom to CPA2. ._. It was ultimate madness omg. It took me like 1.5 - 2 hours to finish just this stupid article printing. ._.

Then dance was... very tiring even though I didn't really do much. But I was just so pooped out and exhausted from everything during the day.

Then just as I was leaving school (and I was on the bus already btw), I realised that I didn't have my sweater with me. So I headed back to school and retraced my steps and realised that I left it at the benches at the staffroom when I was in a frantic rush to get my IAs sorted out. ._. But guess what? The sweater was no longer at the benches. No surprise there, to be honest.

So after that, I decided to go and shower before meeting Tantan. And the shower really did me some good even though the water was freezing cold for some reason. -.-

But Pirates was really good. And mine and Tantan's Long John's ta-pao dinner to the rooftop garden at Vivo reminded me of sec 3 days. :) I had a really great time just talking, ranting about my day, laughing and teasing him. We didn't do anything super exciting like going bungee jumping or something. We just had dinner + watched a movie, but the fabulous night made up for the shitty day. And really, thank God for Tantan, who never fails to keep me smiling when I feel like faeces (to avoid the use of "shit" again).

2011-05-18T10:03:00.001+08:00

Woke up this morning with really bad rashes and I know it sounds really crazy, but thank God for the rashes. I think I really needed a proper break from all the craziness lately.

2011-05-18T00:31:00.000+08:00

Just read this in my devotional.

"Every one of us is entrusted with some gifts or other. One of the gifts is the gift of persons: wife, children, parents, friends etc. We must consider them as God's precious gifts because God would not give us anything less than the best. They are to be valued, nurtured, and loved. We must make sure that none of them is lost on account of our negligence, selfishness or lack of interest."

2011-05-17T20:03:00.001+08:00

I just really wanna cry. I’m so tired of doing work, of studying, of not studying, of life. Yeah, there usually is this immense sense of satisfaction that I get when I complete a fabulous piece of work, but even that isn’t sufficient to get me out of this rut that I’m in. I’m getting moody over the slightest of things, bursting into tears over seemingly nothing, and just feel sad when there’s nothing to be upset about. I keep screaming at people, and I’m sure pisses them off but they’re just too nice to say anything about it. I can’t wait for this to end, and thank God there’s only one more week of IAs, cause I sure as hell can’t take this any longer. I wanna cry, but crying’s not gonna get me anywhere. It’s only gonna let the work pile up, and I can’t afford to let it happen.

2011-05-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

Was looking through my Econs IA portfolio and saw this in my first draft:

"With the decrease in quantity demanded for cars, there is a decrease in demand for COEs, resulting in fewer people needing to buy the COE as fewer people are buying cars and hence, the demand for COEs decreases."

What the hell was I talking about omg...

2011-05-12T01:21:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling really sad about the whole... -thingthatcannotbementionedorbehatedforlife- thing. :\ Perhaps it's cause I don't really have very many friends who do this competitively, so I'm still new to this whole thing. But I can barely imagine how they're feeling right now. And I know that this whateverthingyI'mfeeling is just like, a minute fraction of what they are feeling. It's not that I wanted things to happen the other way round, don't get me wrong. I'm really glad that this happened. I just wish that there didn't have to be one winner and many losers. Why can't we all just win and we'll all be happy :\

But if that did happen, we'd be communist. And we learnt in Econs today that self-interest promotes efficiency. So... yeah I guess I just answered my own question. But that doesn't stop me from feeling sad. I keeping thinking about that photo and what people have been saying and all that Facebook stalking that I've done and what I read today and, I just feel so, so sad. I'm happy (overjoyed, even) for us, but so unbearably sad for them. I'm so happy that I could cry for us, but so sad that I could cry for them.

2011-05-08T01:42:00.000+08:00

Just read this in my devotional and I thought I'd share it.

John 6:16 - 21
When evening came, his disciples went down to the lake, where they got into a boat and set off across the lake for Capernaum. By now it was dark, and Jesus had not yet joined them. A strong wind was blowing and the waters grew rough. When they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus approaching the boat, walking on the water; and they were frightened. But he said to them, “It is I; don’t be afraid.” Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading.

The journey of the disciples towards the other side of the sea is a figure of our journey towards our destination. In this journey, we want to make sure that everything goes well according to our plan. We ensure to carry out all that is necessary to make it comfortable and safe. In spite of all our meticulous calculations and safety measures, the journey may not go the way we want it to go. The reason is that we do not take that which is essential - Jesus. The absence of Jesus causes winds and storms in our lives. Without his presence, everything seems frightening; there is no proper direction for life. In his absence, the priorities of life fall apart; convictions become prejudices, values become fanaticism. When the disciples take Jesus intot their boat, immediately the boat reaches land. The presence of Jesus may not remove the storms & winds of life, but we can meet them with courage and optimism. The accompaniment of Jesus gives us the strength of an invisible helper. When we do things in the name of Jesus, our works product fruits. The presence of Jesus helps us from losing sight of our destination - the other side of life.

2011-05-07T23:00:00.001+08:00

Momo was talking about hamsters today, and I thought of Bitsy.

It's kinda weird missing a hamster, but I do. It kept me company through all those nights that I spent studying for my O's. It came as a rather huge blow when Momo called me one night when I was at Starbucks (just several days before my O's) and told me that he died. I remember that I was there with Lyd and we were sitting upstairs and it was around 9pm and I cried like a mad cow.

But yeah, I miss him. I never really was a good hamster-owner anyway. It took me forever to overcome my fear of hamsters.

And on a very random note, one day, I will have a picnic on this lawn. (And in case you don't know, it's the Stanford lawn. Sigh.)

2011-05-02T20:05:00.000+08:00

I should really be editing my World Lit essay (and definitely studying for Econs cause my test is tomorrow but I am far from prepared since I decided to give it up so as to study for my SATs/work on my graded assignments), but nevermind. I can spare a few minutes. :)

I went for Tantan's church BBQ today!! :) And Alice came along!! :) So I was really glad cause I thought that I was gonna be awkward and alone cause I didn't know that Pam was gonna be there (and she actually thought that I was like, in uni too. Sigh. She said she found it very weird that I was younger than her (by a couple of months) cause she spent the past 1 year thinking that I was older omg. ._.)) hehehe.

Was supposed to meet Tantan in the morning at Serene, but he woke up late, so I asked Joel to come over to keep me company while waiting for Tantan. And omg I have something vvvvv important to say - I BEAT JOEL IN TAP TAP WHOOP WHOOP!! Am I fabulous or am I fabulous? Tantan says that Joel was just giving me chance but I refuse to believe that cause I know that deep down, I really am that awesome hohoho.

And Tantan surprised me with a gorgeous sunflower!! 8D He came down to put his bag and disappeared for a couple of minutes (which I thought he had gone to the toilet) and he reappeared with this sunflower and all annoyance that I felt (with him being late) like suddenly vanished hehehe. :) :) :) I couldn't stop smiling and I was like 8D 8D 8D and kept giggling. Teehee. 8D

Then Alice joined us a while later and we went to Island Creameryyyyyy!!! 8D It made my cough ten million times worse but whateverrrr. Hehehe.

And went off to Weng Yew's place for the BBQ. :) And I had fun hoho. And people complimented me on my fabulous baking skillz!! :) :) :) I was really super happy hehehe. :)

K I think time to move on to WL. BAI GUISE.

2011-04-24T17:17:00.000+08:00

So,

Maundy Thursday was on Thursday (hahahaha) and I went church visiting with Daddy, as we always do each Maundy Thursday. But it was different this year! Chris joined us! :) And it's really quite cute to watch him kneel at the pew, holding his blue rosary so tightly in his hand, closing his eyes so tightly in concentration and his lips moving so quickly as he mumbles the words to the Lord's Prayer, Hail Mary and Glory Be. Hahaha and I'm quite glad that he was actually willing to go with us this year, and even said "let's go to as many churches as possible" when Daddy asked how many churches to go to that night. I think in some way, he's growing and developing a deeper and closer relationship with God. It's very slight, but it's there, I think. :)

Good Friday was on... Friday. I had a very blessed day with my family. :)

I went for Stations at the Cross in the morning with Daddy, and it was my first time ever going for it so I didn't quite know what to expect. Daddy said that it was incredibly painful to the knees cause you gotta keep kneeling and standing over and over again (like 28 times? Since it's twice per station and there are 14 stations.) So I was a little worried since my knee is still in a rather jialat condition from my injury 2 weeks back. But it turned out to be okay. :) (Though my knee hurt like a very bad word later on in the day.) But I guess it's meant to hurt since Stations of the Cross is meant to be a form of penance, right?

And it was also very... hmm, touching, to see so many people kneel and stand repeatedly despite their age. There were so many old people there who knelt every single time we were supposed to. And they were like perhaps 70? Or maybe late 60s? And I can't begin to imagine how painful it must have been for them if Daddy, who is nowhere near that age, is already saying that hurts. It was very cool and touching (for lack of a better word) how they could ignore the pain and keep doing this for God.

Then we went to Granddad's house cause his brother came to Singapore for holiday and he was staying with them. And I was really impressed cause he can make prata! From scratch! And by "from scratch", I mean that he can actually whip the prata dough around like a pro prata man and stuff. :) He's seriously damn cool! 8D

Went for Tantan's TGIF church event at someone's house (which happened to be in the block directly next to my tuition hehehe), which was pretty fun. I met some new people, who, to my horror, thought that I was 20+. And by 20+, I mean that they thought that I was 28. Or 27. Or basically late 20s. ._. Idk why. :\ Tantan says that it's a compliment but I don't think so.

2011-04-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

This reminded me of Tantan. :) Cause I always make strange noises on the phone and he scolds me for being boring and weird.

2011-04-19T00:34:00.000+08:00

Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:24 AM):
*so am i a princess? :D
[Arveture] says (12:25 AM):
*hahaha
*my princess
*in a non-literal way
Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:25 AM):
*why non-literal! :(
[Arveture] says (12:25 AM):
*hahaha
*cos u aren't a princess in reality!
Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:26 AM):
*im not? :(
[Arveture] says (12:26 AM):
*-.-
*what so good about being a princess!
*its just a title
Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:27 AM):
*but princesses are usually pretty!
*i wanna be a disney princess
[Arveture] says (12:28 AM):
*u want to be but you're not!
*just like how i wanna be a pro footballer but im not!
*and ur prettier than any princess in the world
*so please just be yourself

Hehehehe I have the bestest best friend in the whole entire world :)

2011-04-18T23:20:00.002+08:00

To be honest, I don't quite know if I believe in everlasting romantic love any longer. I believe that one can care deeply for a person forever and ever, but I don't know if one can remain in love with someone else forever and ever.

2011-04-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

This is gonna be a very IB-related post. So I highly doubt that A level people (if Lydia even comes to this waste of internet server space any more) will want to read it.

You know, a couple of weeks ago, Tantan told me that Y6 would be very slack. Or OWTTE. Basically, he told me that he had a lot of time lah. And I thought that he was absolutely crazy and weird for saying something like that, especially since I had heard all the crazy horror stories from my seniors.

But now that I'm actually in Y6 and I'm in term 2, which is supposed to be the craziest time of your entire IB life, I find that I have more and more time to rest and believe it or not, I can actually sleep before 10 if I want to. I have time. And that is something that I haven't been able to say in quite a few months. Or more like a year plus hahaha.

I guess term 2 seems pretty daunting when you look at the amount of work you gotta do and how huge these projects are in terms of their weightage in your final grade. Term 2 is when you gotta submit your final copy of your EE, have your TOK presentation, complete the TOK essay (which is no mean feat btw), finish up your various IAs for your sciences, write your funny essays if you take humanities, do up 2 Econs IAs in one term (when you had previously done two IAs in a year HAHA), finish your World Lit (both if you take HL) and lastly, the ever fearful IOC.

But when you sit down and really just take time to digest all that you've gotta do.

Your EE is more or less complete. You just have some minor tweaks in your grammar/sentence structure/slight misinterpretations of your analysis etc. left to correct. And each draft takes you like, 3 hour at the max to finish. But I guess that is if you have a tutor who is as conscientious and hardworking as Ms Tengara since she basically tells you exactly what you need to correct since she is so thorough in her marking, which I am very thankful for btw.

And then your have your TOK presentation, which most of us have at least done the slides for during the December holidays. I know I fretted a lot over my stupid presentation, but honestly speaking, I don't feel that I spent thaaaaaat much time on it.

The TOK essay, like your EE, is also almost finish. Since my draft 2, I only gotta change a few words here and there.

The IAs for your sciences are probably one of the most tedious of the lot cause the C&E can be a real bitch to do. I love the DCP part, but I swear, I hate C&E. I'd rather do 10 DCPs than 1 C&E. But hey, we only have 4 left for Physics and 2 left for Chem! (But as of now, I only have one design IA left to do since the other is fairly finished.)

Okay the humanities essays are a killer lot, but I'm not complaining since I don't take very many humans hehehe :P (i.e. Econs. But no essays for Econs!!)

Then 2 Econs IAs, which are far simpler than doing a full length research paper for History/Geog. Less time consuming too haha.

World Lit's almost complete, as the aforementioned EE/TOK.

And what we have left is just... IOC.

Alright, IOC is gonna be an immense pooper. I don't even wanna think about how I'm gonna begin studying the whole lot of poems and extracts from King Lear. Sigh. I'm looking at Henry's notes right now and I'm thinking... nothing hahaha. Cause I'm not even reading it haha. But yeah I'm not gonna deny that I'm shittily scared for IOC.

So basically, after this exceedingly long post, I guess my point is that... Year 6 really is terribly slack. I've found myself doing absolutely nothing these past few days except for some meaningless CAS reflections and form filling and stuff like that.

I am a very satisfied girl. :) I am gonna conquer IB, yes I am. 8D

2011-04-13T11:22:00.000+08:00

Omg TOK presentation is in 2 hours and Steph, Manda and I were wondering where to look for Mr Nigel Hee or not, considering that we only have 2 hours left to make any changes, if any.

And we left the yellow-level staffroom to go to the library to print their script and typically, you'd take the first staircase from the staffroom cause that's the fastest way to the library, but for some reason, we completely walked past that staircase and headed towards another one.

Then suddenly, Sir walked out of the elevator and all of us were like :O :O :O and Steph immediately ambushed him and we're now sitting outside the staffroom and I'm waiting for my turn to consult him.

It's totally God's will that we consult him hehehe. 8D I am v excited. I mean, if we had taken the first staircase instead of the other one that we were unknowingly walking towards to, and he just suddenly appears just as we were debating over whether to find him or not, it's kinda cool, is it not? 8D

2011-04-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

I have a best friend who strongly believes that he is not a cake. And he is so fabulous that he read my mind and suggested watching A Walk To Remember on date night when I was too embarrassed to ask if he wanted to watch it hehehehe. He is fabulous, is he not? :)

2011-04-07T23:07:00.001+08:00

Alright. So Sir (as in my Math teacher) is definitely leaving and I don't quite know how to feel about it. :\

I guess firstly, I felt a little upset. Upset to the extent where I actually felt like crying. :\ Cause to be honest, I think that this whole entire year, I haven't not-listened for more than 5 minutes (while for all my other classes, I think I haven't listened for more than 5 minutes ._.) and I actually understand what's going through. And I actually dare to ask him questions and keep asking and asking and asking till I get it and he keeps explaining and explaining and explaining till he knows that I understand. I actually feel pretty confident about stats (or rather, what we've learnt so far ._.) and I genuinely enjoy Math lessons now. :\ It's the only lesson where 1 hr 40 min does not seem like 1 hr 40 min. And now that some new teacher is gonna be taking over our class, I don't know if I'll understand him, or if I'll dare to ask questions, of if I'll even stay awake. :\

Then I felt a little scared and worried, cause this is my final year and everything was going so well and a 7 for Math didn't seem that far away. And now that there's gonna be all the changes and stuff and I only have like what, 7 months? I'm gonna have to adapt to the new teacher's style and what if I don't understand him? :S There's still quite a bit for Math to do!! :(

Then back to sad again cause I think that he's my one of my favourite teachers ever. :\ He actually puts smiley faces when I text him about Math port or something like that. And he's so nice and smiley and always tries to help to the best of his ability. And he doesn't get mad when I ask so many stupid questions!! And he lets me sit next to Zinan and bully him even though it's not my assigned seat. And... so many other things. And now I have so few Math lessons left with this particular teacher and I'm just so, so sad. I know that "sad" is a very overused word and can't possibly convey how sad I really am about it, but I really am just so darn sad. I'm so, so sad.

It's been this whole rollercoaster ride of emotions over this seemingly stupid issue. It's just a teacher leaving right? :\ But I don't know why I'm so torn up over it when I previously never felt anything when a teacher left. When I first found out that someone was leaving, I jokingly said "what if it's my teacher. Then my math would be screwed." and it turns out it really is him and now I'm scared and sad and. I don't knowwww. :\

I don't even know why I'm blogging about this but I guess I just needed to get it out. Urgh. I swear I'm gonna cry next Friday.

2011-04-06T23:26:00.001+08:00

Manda showed this to me today during some UCAS personal writing statement workshop and I thought that it was pretty cool, so I decided to share it. Sorry about the f word. I'd censor it, but that'd take the significance out of the sentence.

You Should Date An Illiterate Girl

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.

2011-04-04T20:01:00.000+08:00

Had dinner with Alice and Tantan at EWF last Thursday! :) And it was really fun haha. Alice is really such a funny and lovely person and I really enjoyed spending time with both of them on Thursday. 8D I think I'm using the word 'really' too much. But nevermind, repetition for emphasis, yes? 8D

Life has been great so far since my subject combi allows me to slack for now.

I think IB is such that the science people spread out their IAs over a span of 1+ years, which kills you for your exams in the first year since you don't have time to study during that time period, while the humanities people get to slack off in terms of IAs for the first 1 year or so since I see all of them chionging their History/Geog IAs and stuff now. So yes I am very happy cause as of now, I have barely anything to do. 8D But I've been attempting to revise as much as I can before my EE/TOK drafts get back to me sigh.

I even had time to surprise Tantan today! 8D Or rather, attempt to surprise him. He's been craving for the school's prata for a really long time so I decided to ta-pao prata for him and surprise him but he guessed the surprise before I even managed to leave school. :( And to make matters worse, I got terribly lost!! :( I fail at surprising. :( Joel said I was being totally unsubtle about the whole thing. :(

But back to the IB part. I spent the weekend revising organic chem and a little of unemployment for Econs, and I really have to say something that I never thought I'd say - I miss studying.

2011-04-01T19:22:00.001+08:00

"Oliver is kind and sweet and when we kiss, I see stars and he sees fireworks. And he says that means that we're in love, and he's right! Because otherwise, when we kiss we'd see stuff like pencils and empty ketchup bottles." - House Bunny

2011-03-30T22:23:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last came here, so yes I'm here again haha.

I guess I have a bit of free time on my hands now considering that my TOK presentation was done during the Dec hols last year and that seems to be the main worry on everyone's minds and everyone is rushing to do it.

Right now, I only have my World Lit draft 2, Physics non-graded IA, a little of my TOK essay (just half a paragraph!!) and Econs IA (which is more or less complete) left to do, so thank you, God, for giving me the strength to go on even though I've been so exhausted and just... really sad about life and all.

Dance SYF today! Being backstage wasn't as crazy as I had expected it to be. Everyone was relatively calm and my fake eyelash-sticking for 12 girls actually turned out pretty well, so I am exceedingly pleased with myself over that cause I actually managed to get them to stick hohoho :P I am fantastic, am I not?

And I think Dance Venia performed extremely well. So to all you silly poopoos who think that you screwed up, you didn't. From an audience's point of view, you looked faaaaabulous 8D

Okay I don't rly have anything to blog about. I'm kinda just rambling sigh. Bye guys. My blog is pathetic.

2011-03-26T15:16:00.001+08:00

I miss the memories. But I don't miss you.

2011-03-25T21:14:00.001+08:00

Saw this on tumblr a couple of hours ago.

Man Lives on cliff and talks down suicide jumpers for last 50 years
Meet the Australian Who’s Saved 160 People from Suicide

Don Ritchie lives across the street from the most famous suicide spot in Australia: A cliff known as “The Gap.” Most people would move, but Ritchie’s stayed for almost 50 years—saving an estimated 160 people from suicide.

So what’s his big secret? Ritchie wakes up every morning and looks out the window for “anyone standing alone too close to the precipice.” If he sees someone who looks like they might be contemplating a jump, he walks over and… strikes up a conversation.

He just gives them a warm smile, asks if they’d like to talk and invites them back to his house for tea. Sometimes, they join him.

“I’m offering them an alternative, really,” Ritchie says. “I always act in a friendly manner. I smile.”
Ritchie’s house might be the worst real estate ever. One person a week commits suicide at the “the Gap,” the cliff he lives across from. It’s protected only by a small, one-meter fence, despite its legendary reputation as a suicide spot dating back to the 1800s.

But the former life insurance salesman says he doesn’t feel “burdened” by the fact that people are always contemplating jumping to their deaths outside his house. In fact, he and his wife Moya see it as a blessing: “I think, ‘Isn’t it wonderful that we live here and we can help people?’”

Ritchie, who basically sounds like the nicest guy in the entire world, is 84, and has spent much of the last year battling cancer. But, as you might expect for a dude who’s managed to live across from a messed up, tragic place, and not become a casualty himself, he’s optimistic: “I imagine somebody else will come along and do what I’ve been doing.” I hope so.

2011-03-25T21:03:00.001+08:00

2011-03-22T17:11:00.001+08:00

People change. Feelings change. It doesn’t mean that the love once shared wasn’t true and real. It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.

2011-03-18T20:43:00.000+08:00

Omg I saw this picture and the first thing that came to mind was "That's Chris in a few years time when he asks his kids to go swimming".

Anyway, I got to see my favouritest person today!! Missed him loads x 100000. Holidays are a bore without your best friends (i.e. Lyd and Tantan) to spend it with. :(

I picked him up from Joo Koon when he booked out (which is sth that I haven't in ten million years cause of school) and we went to Plaza for lunch cause we didn't know what else to do and since we had nothing to do and he was so tired, he came over to my place and we played 2 rounds of Monodeal and I won both games, thanks thanks.

I'm almost done with Math port and Chem IA so I am a little happy haha. Life is good. For now.

2011-03-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

I was on the bus today, feeling really tired of life and just wanting things to stop for a moment to let me catch my breath, when I looked through my phone for a song to play and I wanted to play Bubbly cause it's a, well, relatively happy song cause it's about a girl who's madly in love. But instead of playing that song, I noticed By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North. And yes I know I talk a lot about that song, but I feel that out of all the many many Christian songs, that song speaks to me the most. So yeah I played it and ironically, it kinda made me feel so worn out and even more tired than I already was and I started crying and just couldn't stop the tears from flowing and seriously, it's not funny when you're on the bus and you're crying uncontrollably. I felt so exhausted, so insignificant and worthless. And I felt that whatever I did simply wasn't good enough. (I know. I'm jumping from one emotion to another but yeah. My emotions aren't always coherent.) But perhaps I just needed to be aware of how drained I was, cause I felt so much better after that. There's this particular line in the song that I always take notice of when I play it - why are you still searching as if I'm not enough? Referring to how we're constantly looking for comfort and love, as if God isn't sufficient for us. But today, I noticed a different line that I usually just ignore - my hands are holding you. And I guess that kinda comes hand in hand with my previous post about how God is in control of everything. I don't really wanna elaborate on it again, but yes, God's hands are holding me. And He won't give me anything that I can't handle. I know that this post is a little incoherent cause I'm not exactly re-reading what I'm writing, but whatever lah. Haha.

2011-03-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

I feel the need to post considering that I haven't blogged in like, more than a week oh dear. :\ I feel terribly guilty for neglecting hiddenpotatoes but oh well, IB doesn't really allow one to have very much time aside from work.

We had dance camp yesterday! It was Dance Venia's first ever overnight camp, and it was pretty cool. :) It wasn't full of hardcore dancing, as I thought it would have been, but it was more focused on bonding the seniors and the juniors.

So my group had 2 junior girls - Li Ser (whom I already know 8D) and Ianna, and err 3 junior boys (Darwin, Deon and Xiang Wei) and they're all really nice people! :) I honestly didn't rly think that our group was gonna be very much fun (hehehe) but it turned out to a bombzxzxz. 8D And Deon and I now have two dirty little secrets hehehe.

But yes I actually managed to sleep, so thank God for that cause I desperately needed the rest (though who'd have thought that I'd get my very much needed rest during a camp) and though I felt terribly guilty for not having done any work in 24 hours (tbh, I actually couldn't wait for camp to end so that I could go home to get started on work haha), I actually kinda enjoyed it haha.

OKAY MY POST IS GETTING RANDOM AND STRANGE.

But sigh I'm really too tired from Math port today to really write a proper post but anyway,

TANTAN GOT INTO QUEEN MARY'S MEDICINE FACULTY!!! 8D

I'm really, really, really happy and insanely proud of him cause I know how badly he wanted it and how hard he had worked for it. So yes, you deserve it dear. And congratulations. :) Celebrations are in order, yes? :)

2011-03-06T20:44:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I am vvv sad that I posted less than 200 blog posts in the whole of last year. I am used to posting like, 500 in a year or sth. ._. Sigh IB sux. Actually, scratch that part about IB sux-ing cause my post is gonna be about how I'm gonna conquer IB.

But anyway.

I am here to blog about one thing - my new take on life

Ok so I know that I've been complaining lots and lots about school and while at times I feel that I'm justified in complaining (though I know that I shouldn't ever complain cause just as how there'll always be someone better than me, there'll always be someone who's life is err... more unfortunate, than mine), because of the immense workload which never seems to shrink (even though my EE and TOK are DONEEEEE (for now)) and the crazy stress that we're all facing in school (so much so that my pimples are popping up and the pimple plantation is back yuckz. Needa go look for my Nimegen again.) and stuffz like that. Just realised how long a sentence the last one actually is.

But anyway. I thought about it during church today (DURING COMMUNION OKAY. Not during the homily!) and I realised that I am actually really, really blessed (and that I complain too much).

Sure, ACS is a killer school and the workload is mad and IB probably isn't all that bad but our school makes it ten thousand times worse cause they err, want the best for us.

But there's something that I keep forgetting, and that is ACS was my dream school. In fact, it still is my dream school. I am hella proud to be in ACS, tyvm. I've been wanting to go to ACS since like, err, sec 1? HAHA. I don't know, I don't remember. I didn't rly publicise it much cause I didn't want people to think that I wanted to go there for fear of letting people down/having to explain to people that I didn't get into my dream school. But yeah. I worked my ass off for O's despite there being a rather tiny chance of me actually doing well enough to get in (I expected sth like, 18 points. No kidding.) and when I got my 6 points on the 11th of Jan and realised that I could actually get in, I was like. Overjoyed. And when I actually got in, I was so happy that I couldn't sleep the night before school started. :\ And now that I'm actually in ACS and have been for the past year, I cannot stop complaining about it.

What is wrong with me?!?!

I need to remember how blessed I am for having gotten what I desired so badly. I am one step closer to getting into my even bigger dream school and yet I am not taking full advantage of this opportunity. I am so, so blessed and yet, I keep complaining and whining about having to go to school and stuff. I mean, school work sucks. A lot. But should I not at least be slightly thankful for this? I need to remember to keep thanking God and reminding myself about the multiple blessings (I have used this word many many many times but err, I can't think of another word for this.) that I have and no matter how tough IB gets and how shitty my life feels or how stressed out I am and stuffz, I know that God is good and He is in power and I WILL BE OKAY.

God put me in ACS and from past experiences (i.e. triple science, SYF etc etc etc), I know that God doesn't always give me what I want because He knows that I cannot handle the extra workload/wtv this is called and that I am better off dealing with less and doing well in them than dying with more. So if God put me in ACS, He probably thinks that I can handle IB. And God obviously knows what He's doing. So yeah I'm gonna finish this year with a bang and I'm gonna be so damn awesome that I'll like, become an IB endorser or wtv (I'm kidding abt this part btw but that's not the point).

Bottom line is, I'm gonna kick some IB butt oh yeah.

Ah the epiphanies that hit you during mass eh?

I'll blog about my ice skating adventure later or sth hehehe.

I'mma survivor, I'm gonna make it.

Insert applause, thanks.

Post is in red to err, show my. Hmm. Enthusiasm.

2011-03-05T00:45:00.002+08:00

You know, every time you say something really nice or sweet like that, I can't help but wonder "now how many girls have you said that to today?"

2011-03-01T20:24:00.000+08:00

Photo post!

On a random note, check out my cute OGlings 8D

2011-02-28T09:28:00.002+08:00

I know that I've blogged this before, but I want to blog this again cause I have a specific person in mind when I see this picture.

2011-02-28T00:47:00.001+08:00

They're what I go to school for.

2011-02-27T11:35:00.000+08:00

It has been an exceedingly long and tiring week. And I think I've cried more times this week than in the whole of January. It's been really, really crazy (and it still is really crazy even though it's the weekend right now), but I really thank God for pulling me through despite all the various setbacks and stuff.

Donated blood for the first time in school on Thursday! And it was a really horrifying yet somewhat fulfilling experience. After what Tantan said to me on Wednesday ("imagine the person who means the most to you and think that you're donating blood to that person") and I thought of Momo, I couldn't quite turn back and decide not to follow through with it even though I was scared shitless. :\ And to those who don't know, I really, really, really hate needles. :\ I kicked my doctor last year when I was getting my vaccination before going to Halong Bay.

So yeah. I was terrified. But people kept saying that it wasn't painful and stuff so I guess I felt better about it. But something went wrong during the blood donation and it hurt like freaking hell a lot and I got scared and started crying like nobody's business. It was really, really, really bad. Apparently my vein collapsed and the blood wasn't flowing through or something and in the end, I donated less blood than I was supposed to cause the nurse had to remove the needle. :\

But I had really supportive friends there! 8D Like Janell, who let me hold her hand despite my palms being super disgusting cause I was perspiring so much and helped me wipe my tears away when I couldn't do it myself, and Aakash, who entertained me with stories about his pirate father, Shil, who talked about so much nonsense that I wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying hahaha, and Steph, who fed me biscuits and reminded me not to cry or people (like JC hahaha wth) wouldn't love me anymore, and Xuans for just being around hehe. :)

So yes. I am very blessed. :)

Oh, and of course Joshua Chan, who helped me when I was handicapped x 100000 cause my right arm hurt so badly after the blood donation. :) He helped me carry my shiny pink wallet on the bus cause I already had so many things in my arms and he got teased by his friends for carrying such a bimbo wallet. And he helped me pick up my water bottles even though I dropped it countless times on the bus and he used his precious (but free) badminton racket (or is it racquet?) to get them hahaha. And for helping me hold my stuff and yeah, just being the sweet guy that he is. :) So thank you. :) Be very touched ah.

Then went for ACS Has Got Talent with the OG last night after ditching Mndbr (hahaha sorry BB!) and it was awesome fun. :) It was great catching up with them again after the performance at KAP too. :) I really miss my dearest Y5s, sigh. I think I'm super biased lah. :\ I generally quite dislike the Y5s this year (hahaha soz soz no offence intended) but I love my OG so much. But I don't think that's unexpected hahaha.

And yes I am super sick right now so I think I should go sleep or something.

2011-02-22T18:46:00.001+08:00

So on the way home from school with Joshua Chan today,

Joshua: Stop acting cute ah.
Me: Where got!
Joshua: God's in heaven
Me: No, God's omnipresent. So he's sitting right next to me now. - pause - Eh not you ah!

Hahaha omg. I know it's not that funny but I nearly died laughing cause it seemed so hilarious at that time. :)

Today was a rather... strange day. A whole roller coaster ride of emotions from feeling excited and confident, to feeling terribly useless and stupid, to being happy and then to sad, from resentful to thankful. It's almost like a business cycle actually. Like how an economy goes from a boom to a recession and all that stuff that I wouldn't know yet cause I haven't really studied about the business cycle HAHA.

But as strange and emotionally draining as it was, I'm really, really thankful for a few people who have made it a whole lot better. :) I really do thank God so much for them cause I really have no idea how I'd get through today without them. Especially Joshua Chan, who cheers me up in the strangest but most effective of ways hahaha. Stop pointing out my pimples.

And after some particular event happened today, I immediately thought of this song.

One Step At A Time

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

Sometimes, you try and try and try your best but your best isn't enough. And today when I was feeling terribly shitty about myself, about how it feels like my past 15 years of effort just went to waste today, I got reminded that everything happens for a reason. And yay 45 points, let's go. :)

2011-02-15T22:23:00.000+08:00

Today was the last day of orientation and I don't know why but I cried after the whole OG left :( I was really damn sad okay. :(

Anyway we had Anglolympics and cohort photo today, which was pretty cool. :) We were in the shape of a guitar!! (Y)

And we had OG recess together in the SAC during break and we played truth or dare (or some variation of it) and I dared some guy to skip around the SAC and scream "I love OG 17!!", but the whole entire OG ended up linking arms and skipping around instead and we crashed OG 16's photo and they joined us by linking up with us and another OG joined us and we just kept picking up people along the way and skipped around the entire SAC hahaha. We are damn cool and damn epic thanks thanks. (Y)

Orientation lunch was pretty sad (at least for me anyway) and I was so darn emo ok. :( And my OG was damn epic cause they tried to surprise Malcolm and I by writing a card for us but they were like, writing it right in front of us? And passing it around and saying "eh this card is for Michelle". ._. Hahaha seriously omg. Damn cute. Then I looked at Moses when he was saying that the card was for me to some other guy, and I said "Hi Moses." and looked at the card and he went "oh shit" hahaha. I love my OG seriously. :)

So yes I was really, really sad. :( And I still feel sad thinking about it. :( And it's quite ridiculous that I'm so sad over this cause it isn't even my actual OG to begin with. I just happen to be in charge of them. :(

And when I sent them my last mass text as their OGL, I felt so darn sad and was trying to think of a term of affection to greet them with (cause I usually start my texts with "hey darlings" or "hello loves" or something like that) but I couldn't think of any and I wanted to make it special cause it was the last one ever. :(

So to any OG 17-er who's reading this, I love you. :) You guys have made orientation unbelievably fun. And you are all so special and wonderful in your own individual way. We may have come in last in the whole entire orientation (hahahaha) but being last entitles us to just as much bragging rights as coming in first does. :) After all, how many people can say that they came in last right? It is quite difficult to be last hehe. But anyway, remember that IB is tough, but our God is tougher.

2011-02-13T16:06:00.000+08:00

So, I'm here cause I've been studying for the past few hours and I really don't wanna do anything else.

We had the ACSiting race on Friday!! :) And I have to say that I enjoyed it a lot more than I did last year, primarily cause OGLs have more fun than the OGlings hahaha.

So I had this grand plan to get them to all bring packed food so that we can skip lunch and we were supposed to run everywhere and not wait for trams/buses and stuff, but you can imagine how that played out. ._. I mean, we didn't exactly stop for lunch (10 min and waited for everyone to eat their food) and we did kinda walk everywhere but we only managed to complete 8 stations I think. :(

But nehmind OG 17 did a great job despite misinterpreting so many clues and being led to so many wrong places and having Charmaine get drenched in sand (yes drenched) and having to spend like 20 minutes cleaning her up.

And I'm really thankful for having OG 17 as an OG cause they hardly complained (in fact, I don't think they really did) and they were willing to run everywhere and walk when we told them to. And they are so darn sweet that even though they initially planned to sit in Subway and stone for the whole race, they decided to play properly and win it for me (I dunno if this is true lah but that's what they claim hahaha) cause I was really sad on Thursday and they wanted to cheer me up. SO SWEET RIGHT!! :)

So yes something (or rather, two things) rather bad and unfortunate happened on Thursday and I don't particularly want to discuss it here cause I'll probably end up in tears again but my OG was so sweet and so many of them texted to me to ask me if I was okay and just to try to cheer me up and stuff. :) I LOVE OG 17!!! :D

And after the ACSiting race, we had an OG outing at Vivo!! :) And it was fantabuloussssss! :D We ate at Subway and camwhored before going upstairs to sit on the floor and play stupid noisy games and stuff. :) Very awesome bonding time hehe. :)

Then went to get a cup of milo with Joshua before leaving for home. :)

I LOVE MY OG, YES I DO. 8D

But only two days left with them sigh. :(

2011-02-08T00:11:00.001+08:00

Hahaha omg check this out. Do I not have the cutest OGlings ever? Then I unknowingly closed the convo window and Merrill happily came to ask me if I read everything so I got curious and went to check the chat transcript and hahahahaha THEY ARE SO CUTE! (L)

2011-02-07T20:08:00.002+08:00

I had a great day today!! :)

Went to school early this morning to get my Econs book and studied in school for a little while before meeting Joshua at Broadway for a quick lunch. I planned on going back to school to study after lunch but the security guard didn't let me into school cause he claimed that students couldn't go back during the holidays. -.- I think it's quite lame lah but I didn't push it cause it meant that I had an excuse to go home!! :)

Tantan came over in the afternoon and he taught me a bit of Chem. Or more like he helped me with my entire Chem IA cause I had no idea how to do it hahaha. And he won two out of three games of Monopoly Deal. :(

So yes I had a great but simple day cause I got to have some OGL-OGling bonding time and got to spend a bit of time with Tantan. :) Though Joshua made fun of me cause he claimed that I didn't know how to use a fork properly and Tantan was laughing at me cause (this part has been deleted hehe). :( But nehmind! I had fun nevertheless. :)

2011-02-05T11:47:00.001+08:00

Alright. Gonna do it today.

2011-02-04T10:50:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was CNY and I actually had a pretty good time with Belle Bo!! :) I hadn't seen her in ten million years, so it was really good to get to catch up with her and talk about our respective lives and everything. :) But we camwhored most of the time. I had about 120 photos in my computer, another 20 photos in my phone and I don't know how many in her DSLR hahaha.

And most of the rest of the time was spent playing Monopoly Deal, but we kept running out of cars to draw hehe. :) Got to spend time with the cousins - Grace, David and Jon! :)

I think Y5 orientation is beginning to pick up too. The girls have finally all come in, so I had 6 girls in my OG - Charmaine, Michelle (who is from MG too!!), Audrey, Celine, Sarah and Natasha. :) They're all pretty nice people. :) And Charmaine wants to join dance oh yeah oh yeah!! :D

Taught them the mass dance and had station games yesterday and I think my OG thinks I'm crazy now cause I went absolutely high and nuts yesterday and kept screaming and shouting in a desperate attempt to cheer them on hehe. But it was fun. :) I managed to lose 2.5 kg since the last time I measured, which was about 1 or 2 weeks ago, and I attribute this happy weight loss to orientation cause I've been running around so much. I actually perspired like nobody's business during the station games la!! :)

And there was this game where we did robot writing, which is when you tie a few pieces of string to a marker and each person will take one string and the whole team has to work together to move the strings such that the marker will move to write a word or a phrase. And they had to write "Michelle is very sexy"! :D Which I totally agree with hehehe :)

Went for OG lunch at Holland V after that but finding a place to eat was insane. We eventually decided on going to Wendy's but there were like three different OGs there, so our OG had to split up into several different tables. :( Not really much of an OG outing but at least we were all in the same place. :) We managed to play a few rounds of Monopoly Deal and I Never. :) And we took a photo where the guys did some twitty pose and the girls showed off their huge biceps. :)

Oh and my OG calls me a fairy. :) I quite like that. :)

I quite like my OG. :) In fact, I think I quite love them hehe. We may not be the most enthusiastic or the noisiest OG, but I think there's some good in that. They're a really nice and sweet bunch of people, and I'm so glad that I got transferred from OG 18 to 17. :) Not saying that OG 18 isn't nice cause I haven't really talked to any of them besides Vu, but I love 17 so much now. :)

OG outing on Monday oh yay oh yay! :)

2011-01-25T21:08:00.000+08:00

Urgh urgh urgh urgh for someone so good looking, I don't know why you're such a groebiwnergwfnioronei asshole urgh I h8 you x 10000

2011-01-25T20:14:00.000+08:00

Today was a good day, yes it was. :) Even though it started off shittily. :)

Just got home from school and lessons were boring but I had a great time with my OG 17 today! Or rather, I had a great time with the various Mr Buffs, which means Jason, Jonathan, Joshua and Moses. Omg they all start with J's, except for Moses hahaha.

But anyway! Went down to the OG class after school today to help out with the CNY decorations, though it seems like the only thing I really did was go around sticking CNY stickers on people and arm wrestling the Mr Buffs. I attempted to arm wrestle Joshua but I failed miserably. There's a video of my repeated failures hahaha. And the saddest thing is that he used only three fingers while I used both hands and my body weight and I still lost hahaha. But I beat Nath!! :) Though I think he was just letting me win hahaha.

So had OG lunch (or rather, with Mr Buffs, Vignesh and Hrishi) and I somehow managed to guilt trip Jason and Jonathan into ponning their lunch with their hockey friends for lunch with us instead. :) But I felt really bad so I told them to go ahead with their hockey plans since the OG lunch really was a very last minute thing but they came for OG lunch in the end. :) Moses went for the hockey lunch but joined us later. :)

Then went off for dance, which was surprisingly slack today though I've no complaints about that cause I'm really damn tired today. Or rather, damn tired this whole entire year. ._. Sighz.

After dance, I waited for Isaac to finish frisbee training (gotta admire his dedication man. He's already left the school and stepped down from his position as frisbee captain but he still goes for every single training. Respect x 1000) before we left to get bubble tea from opposite school since I was supposed to treat him to bubble tea cause I kept insisting that my OG hated me and when it turned out that they didn't (or more like they claim they don't), he said that I owed him bubble tea hahaha. But then he can't make the OG 1 rhea-nian dinner so he owed me bubble tea! And in the end, we just treated each other HAHA.

So yes I had a great day. :) And I'm looking forward to many more great days in school. Only 187 days or so left to spend in school guys.

And Manda wrote us the sweetest (and funniest) letters ever. :) I love her! She cheered me up x 1000 :)

2011-01-24T22:53:00.001+08:00

You and I will be a tough act to follow.

2011-01-24T20:26:00.000+08:00

I am really, really tired. And it's quite ironic cause last week when I found out that we had a holiday today, I planned on sleeping the entire day and/or catching up with my school work. And I did neither today hahaha. I studied acids and bases for like, 2 hours in the morning before I met up with my OG (as in the OG this year, not my dearest OG 1 from last year) for lunch, followed by a movie with Tantan.

But anyway!! I had a great time with my OG today!! :) And they were actually on time/early despite it being kinda early in the morning. I half expected like most of them to arrive at 11.30 cause ACS boys simply don't have a good sense of time, as proven by OG 1. But I guess it's just my batch. Maybe the Y5s can actually be punctual.

So after like a huge and long debate over where to eat, we ended up eating at the food court since most people were either health conscious and thus didn't want to eat fast food or were broke. And we played a round of Monopoly Deal (I was paired up with Jason, who kept trying to cheat hahaha) and 2 rounds of I Never and I was subjected to a very long err. "truth" session? Cause I lost and didn't want to do a dare so I had to answer 7 questions truthfully. But we found out lots about Joshua hoho.

Met Tantan after lunch with OG 17 and we watched Burlesque!!! :) :) :) :) I've been wanting to watch it for ages and I didn't think that he'd want to watch such a girly show with me but he did! :) Oh happy day!! :) But anw the movie was good. :) Loved loved loved it! And the plot was actually quite decent to, contrary to what I expected hehe.

And it's quite funny cause he and I thought that Ali and Nikki looked really familiar and he said that Ali looked like Kristen Bell and I kinda agreed with him cause of the blone hair and I said that Nikki looked like some person who acted in Heroes and when the credits rolled, Nikki was Kristen Bell!! Not Ali! Hahahahaha. So I was right about Nikki being in Heroes. :)

Then had a rather early dinner at Long Johns' before dragging him around to the various happy shops in Plaza Sing with me :)

So yes, I had a rather happy day. :) And I now gotta get down to work sigh sigh sigh.

2011-01-23T19:57:00.001+08:00

I feel myself losing it.

2011-01-23T18:01:00.000+08:00

Alright SAT is over, so I can finally get down to working on the huge pile of backlog that I've accumulated over the past few weeks since I've been neglecting a great deal of work in order to study for SAT. :( But it kinda sucks that just when I've finished studying so hard for something, I gotta continue working just as hard, if not even harder, to catch up with the rest after so long of not doing school work.

The SAT was okay, though the vocab seemed to be a little harder than usual and I am rather sad cause I think that may have screwed up my critical reading, but whatever. :(

And I think I shall go do my IAs now. BAI!

2011-01-22T22:05:00.002+08:00

I AM VERY TOUCHED THAT SHIL ACTUALLY ASKED ME IF I'M OKAY CAUSE I'M LESS HIGH AND ENTHU THIS YEAR.

He quite obviously has not seen me when I'm desperately trying to get my OG to talk.

2011-01-21T20:30:00.000+08:00

Okay this is gonna be a rather depressing post cause I am depressed.

School has started proper and things are starting to get a little crazy. IAs are flooding in and so many deadlines have to be met. It's amazing how I even managed to get through this week. Not to mention my SATs (which is (I say "is" cause it's only one test but it sounds a bit strange cause it sounds plural) tomorrow), which has caused me to neglect much of my work in order to study for this and I now have an incredible amount of backlog and it is imperative that I clear it on Sunday and Monday.

I've also been really moody and sensitive lately. Perhaps it's due to PMS or the crazy lack of sleep, or maybe even stress. But whatever it is, this is getting unacceptable and ridiculous. I'm finding myself crying at random times of the day (not on a regular basis, mind you. But it's bad enough) and feeling tears well up in my eyes when someone jokingly says a stupid comment (like if he insults my precious EE or if a teacher tells me that I'm childish and stupid or stuff like that) or if people laugh at me (which happens to be fairly often though I try to laugh it off as much as I can). It's stupid to cry so much and even though I already do cry super often as it's in my nature to do so, I'm crying even more now and this is unacceptable x 10000. I need to stop crying. I've also been screaming at a lot of people and EOF-ed with so many friends (but thankfully have made up with most of them) and I really gotta thank God for tolerant friends who put up with my bad attitude. But nevertheless, this has to stop.

Anyway, on a happier note, orientation for the new year 5s has started and I am rather excited actually. My OG seems to be a little quiet but hopefully they'll liven up a bit when orientation starts properly (i.e. this silly enrichment programme for the IP boys ends). But they've been really nice to me, though I'm almost certain that they think that I'm crazy and hate me or something. And they really are a very sweet bunch though I haven't really gotten to know them very well yet since we haven't had much OG bonding time, aside from the one hour time slot today.

I've made some new y5 friends too!! :) Nath is this really sweet Thai boy who is really super adorable cause he's so shy all the time and is always smiling. And Moses is a really nice guy who's been unknowingly helping me to destress (and he reminds me of my cousin Moses too HAHA). Erwin is this guy from Indonesia who actually acknowledges me when I see him around school (I think he and Nath are the only people who do it :( Sad sad sad). Well of course there's more lah but I'm not gonna list out all.

Malcolm has been great too. He's really enthusiastic, so that's great. It's good knowing that I'm not the only one who's crazily excited about the whole orientation program cause everyone I know seems to be dreading the activities while I'm really super excited about everything.

But all this stuff to do with orientation has really made me miss OG 1 and my fellow Rhea-ians. I just saw Isaac (my OGL) yesterday after dance while waiting for Momo to pick me up. I was sitting at the benches just next to the astro when I heard someone saying "psst" and I turned to my right and omg I saw Isaaaaac!! :D It was really exciting cause the first time I saw him was last Tues but had to rush off quickly cause Momo was already there. And I wanted to meet him again this Tues but Momo came before he finished frisbee training. And I finally got to see him yesterday!

And it was great catching up with him, talking to him about his med school plans and whining about how my OG hates me (but he was really encouraging as he tried to convince me that they didn't, though it didn't really work hehe) and just talking about life in general. I hadn't seen him in such a long time lah! So yeah it was great to see my OGL again. :)

But sigh I miss OG 1. Those were the carefree and happy days when I didn't really have to worry about much (as compared to now lah) and I was still on good and talking terms with everyone. Sigh I miss Y5. But just one more year and I'll be done with IB and I'll have a good 5-6 months to slack off before uni starts and my life goes haywire again.

But till then, I'll remind myself that I'm gonna be okay cause God's gonna be with me through every step of the way. He's gonna guide me and give me the strength to persevere even when times are tough. And above all, He knows what's best for me and I shouldn't let myself forget that.

On a side note, Tantan thinks that he did well for his med school interview today and I'm exceedingly proud of him. :) I have a super smart best friend, yes? :) Can't wait to see him tomorrow. :)

2011-01-08T21:05:00.001+08:00

Me: So today during the sermon, the pastor was talking about David and Goliath. Wait, you know about David and Goliath right?
Chris: Goliath National Bank?
Me: Huh?
Chris: The bank in How I Met Your Mother
Me: You watch How I Met Your Mother???
Chris: Yeah it's on every night at 7 pm. I watch it every day.

...

2011-01-06T21:33:00.000+08:00

IB results were released today and ACS did fantastically and groundbreakingly well, as usual. Technically, there's no such word as groundbreakingly but whatever. Sigh there's gonna be immense pressure on our batch to do exceedingly well but honestly, how do you top that? 28 45-pointers, seriously? This is a total WTF (what the freak) moment la.

So I got kinda depressed following the initial euphoria over the fact that I need not study Chinese ever again since I've achieved my desired results for err, Chinese, cause I was worried about IB exams. Sigh. And it's like O level results all over again. And I'm talking about O level results for the batch before mine cause the sec 4s (when I was sec 4 I mean) had to go to the hall to watch the graduates get their results and I saw the same people go on stage this year as I did then (cause they're all smart so they all do well again) and how miserable I felt after that and everything.

I guess it was kinda motivating as well, in some strange way. Cause it made me realise that if so many people can get 45 points, then there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to with sufficient effort and hard work. I mean, I may not be as smart as them (actually, I know that I'm not as smart as them), but I'll make up for it with hmm, increased effort. And though this year's gonna be exceedingly crazy and painful, I'm gonna study really super crazily hard and get 45 points! :D Ok lah. Be realistic. I'll already be overjoyed with 43. Pain is temporary, but glory is forever. Hehehe. Think Lance Armstrong. Think this morning's devotion about Lance Armstrong hahaha.

2011-01-06T00:30:00.000+08:00

I was doing QT just a couple of minutes ago and one if the passages for today is taken from Mark 6:45-52. The passage is about how the disciples were in a boat and it was very windy and was raining very heavily (I think) and Jesus calmed the storm and everything.

Then I read the reflection and it said 'There are storms in our lives too - storms of sorrow, doubt, tension, uncertainty, anxiety, worries, anger, despair and temptations. Storms reveal our inability to handle ourselves and so we have to place our trust in the one who has power over every situation in life. The presence of Jesus gives us peace even in the high tides of life. This, however, demands a child-like faith in God and in his providence.'

So I find it strangely fitting that this turned out to be the reflections for the day in my QT book cause I've been feeling very anxious and worried about this year and how everything is gonna play out. And needless to say, I'm crazily worried about results tomorrow. But as the book said, we needa place our trust in God and know that thugs are gon a be alright in the end. But it also said that we need child-like faith before we can fully achieve this. And this child-like faith is something I think I lack.

But anyway, I just wanted to share that. And to all the ex-Y6s, all the best for tmr and I hope that passage brings you comfort and peace. :)

2011-01-05T19:02:00.000+08:00

I'm now two days into my first term in Year 6 and I am... already exhausted. And the funny thing is that we haven't even done anything substantial. All we did today was like, a little bit of integration (which we all already knew cause of O levels) and a negligible bit of environmental degradation in Physics (someone tell me what our environment has to do with Physics?).

Stayed back after school yesterday to paint the OG flag with Malcolm and I have to say that I am exceedingly impressed by our err, impressive flag. It looks fantabulous, even if I do say so myself HAHA. But really. It turned out a lot better than I thought it would!! :) Then he and I tried to stand in front of the fan in the art room to get the paint to dry more quickly but I had to leave before it could finish drying, so we got onto the bus, looking like an idiot cause our flag was flapping away or something. And as we were leaving school and the whole world could see our flag cause it was so huge, some lower sec (I assume) boy shouted "hey nice flag!" at us and made me so happy cause I think he's a Muse fan and liked our flag hoho. :P

And met Lyd after school today to study a little but I gotta go to Granddad's place soon cause it's his birthday.

But anyway, I wanna blog about this.

I had a major quarter-life crisis about two days ago, just before school started. And I don't know when I started getting so worried about everything but I guess I just sort of exploded on Monday and started crying like nobody's business while I was on the phone with Tantan and he used some analogy about spilt milk to err, deworrify me. He said that people usually cry if they have spilt milk, meaning screwed up in some way or another. But what I'm doing right now is sitting at the table with the carton of milk in front of me and just crying in front of the carton. And that made me laugh cause I can't imagine myself crying at a carton of milk hahaha. But I realised that it's really quite true. That I really do worry too much about stupid things that I shouldn't even be worrying about cause they haven't. I guess I should have more faith in myself, and more importantly, in God, and stop worrying. I needa get a grip and learn to deal with one thing at a time, for tomorrow can worry about itself.

So I'm gonna survive Year 6. And I'm gonna be kickass awesome. Cause God is my victory and He is here. :)

2011-01-02T16:36:00.000+08:00

So,

School begins in about two days time and frankly speaking, I'm kinda scared about next year. In fact, "scared" is a severe understatement and doesn't even begin to cover the fear that I'm feeling. On one hand, I'm absolutely excited to go back and get down to business again, cause I kinda miss the busyness of IB life and constantly having something to do. But on the other hand, I'm afraid of what's about to come.

I've heard countless horror stories from Tantan and seniors who make Year 6 seem like hell on earth or something of that sort. They've all warned me about the craziness of it all and how you're gonna have to end up pulling countless all-nighters and have no time for your family or friends. And after going through a pretty hellish Y5, I can't even begin to imagine what Y6 is gonna be like.

So I guess, part of me is hoping that Y6 isn't gonna be as crazy as the seniors make it out to be, but another part of me knows that it actually is gonna be multiple times worse than people say it is.

Sigh sigh sigh.

On a happier note, OGL camp was pretty awesome (especially the last day cause the wet games were actually kinda enjoyable, contrary to popular belief) and New Year's Eve was spent at the cousin's place, where I watched a little of Twilight with David (and I must say that I am absolutely pleased with myself for being able to recognise Supermassive Blackhole during the movie after listening to Muse's songs countless times for OG research yay yay I'm so hardworking!) and met Lyd at Starbucks today. :)

So 2011 has begun, and I am scared shitless.

2010-12-29T21:58:00.000+08:00

MET LYDIA CHEAM YESTERDAY HOHO! :P

We were supposed to go out with the dearest bobos but it got postponed at the last minute, so Lyd and I went to Clarke Quay to bum around and do nothing cause we were bored of Orchard.

So we spent most of our time there having lunch/sitting at the river bank and waving to foreigners/tourists who sailed down the river in those river cruise boats. :)

Then we, or rather I, decided to skip down the road and we actually really did! :) It was so funny cause people were definitely staring at us but we didn't care and just continued skipping till we got tired and let go and started sprinting towards some shaded area instead hahaha.

I wanted to try some stupid $1 machine thing that supposedly "told your fortune that I just wanted to waste money on and try for fun and it stupidly swallowed my money ok! I stood there with my stupid palm inside the stupid machine and nothing happened. :( I mean it's not like I would have taken it seriously or anything but it didn't work. :(

Got bored of Clarke Quay and went to Far East, where I bought new portable eyeshadow and a pretty cardigan! :) I think I'm gonna go back to get my bag that I wanted to buy :)

2010-12-27T17:38:00.000+08:00

Played 20 games of Monopoly Deal with Tigs at Nex today after tuition!! :)

And on the way to Nex from tuition, he was complaining about his plant test when school reopens, so,

Me: Do you need to learn the names of plants?
Tigs: No I'm not some *insert word here. I forgot what he said.*
Me: But isn't it bio?
Tigs: ...
Me: So what's the name of that plant? *points at the ground*
Tigs: I don't know!
Me: It's grass.
Tigs: But you don't know the specific name!
Me: It's green grass.
Tigs: All grass is green!
Me: No, dead grass is brown.
Tigs: ...

Hahaha I felt so retarded for saying such stupid things but it's my turn to say sth stupid cause he's always the one saying such nonsense.

And he said that I'd only win 1 out of 15 games and he tried to use some statistical distribution formula or whatever the real name is (I think it's pdf, but I forgot what pdf stands for) to prove that he was right but we had trouble deciding on which distribution to use. Then we tried to narrow it down but we got confused between the Binomial Distribution and Negative Binomial and he said that it was Geometric but after a while, we just gave up hahaha.

So yeah, we played 20 games of Monopoly Deal at Long Johns' and I won 10. :D He was wrong. ;)

2010-12-26T12:04:00.000+08:00

So I had a fantabulous Christmas. Perhaps even one of my better ones, actually.

Firstly, I'm really thankful that I got to have one more Christmas with him, cause I thought that last year would have been the last one given the way the doctors were talking about his condition and everything. I really honestly thought that last year would have been the last one ever, and so last year's Christmas was all teary and I think I tried too hard to make it special that it just went all horrible for me. But this year, with things so laid back and people just watching TV/reading 8 Days/playing iPad games at his house and no one really caring about anything much or being awkwardly formal to each other, it was great. :) Perhaps this really is the last Christmas I'd get to spend with him cause there's only so long that he can wait, and he's been waiting for 5 years already. But I think I can let go now. Or at least, a little more ready to let go than I previously was.

Secondly, relationships were repaired this Christmas. Something happened earlier this week that left everything in utter chaos and I wasn't sure how Christmas would turn out as a result of this. It was really, really bad. Perhaps the worst thing that had happened this year. But miraculously, things were perfectly fine by Christmas eve. Things were light and happy again instead of what I anticipated it to be.

And anyway, David, Por Por, Kong Kong and Kow Foo came over on Christmas eve for dinner! And it was really great seeing David again after so long. Ever since he came back from Australia, I think I saw him only like 3 or 4 times? And I swear now that he's in NS and has lost all his baby fat + grown immense muscles, he's forgotten all about his poor cousin cause he's too busy chasing after girls and impressing them with his buffness. :( But yeah I missed him. :) He's become really mature, helping the adults with the food and eating his veggie and everything haha.

Then went to church with the paternal side of the family at St Bernadette's before heading to Nanny's place for dinner with Granddad's godson and his family, which was nice. The lunch was awesome. Ham ham ham. :)

Then went home to open presents and I got a new pink hard drive from Daddy!! :) 500 gb oh yeah oh yeah :D Never again will I run out of space! :D And I got a beautiful umbrella with little flowers that I absolutely love. And stick-on nails (it sounds damn gross, I know. I used to think so till I saw how realistic they look when fixed on and how gorgeous it is and all that) and other small stuff.

Went to Holland V after that for dinner with Darren, Ervin and Marcus!! :) And it was great cause the last time I saw all of them was like... during CNY. Cause Darren and Ervin are both in army and Marcus is in his final year of poly so they're all really busy and they book out at different times so I guess it's hard to find a time when everyone's not in camp/not studying/not doing final year projects to meet up.

We ate at NYDC (which brought back fond memories haha) and I swear, Darren and Marcus eat so freaking much. They shared some Christmas platter with all kinds of filling food like ribs (I think) and I don't know what else but they finished it! It was gigantic! I'd expect like 4 people to share it or something haha.

Then went to Cold Rock to look for ice cream but couldn't find anything we wanted, then to Daily Scoop but it was closed, so we bussed down to Island for ice cream!! :)

Then to Macs for Darren to fulfill his craving for fries or sth.

And like the whole entire night, it was just army talk. And it got a little confusing at times with the terminology and everything but it was rather amusing actually. When Marcus goes in, it's gonna be quite crazy. Hahaha

And that concluded my Christmas this year. :)

I had a really, really great time with my loved ones. With most of the day being spent with my immediate family, then dinner with my second cousins whom I haven't seen in ages, plus the late night with David cause he spent the night at our place.

So in the Christmas wishes I received, people said that they hoped that I'd experience the true joy of Christmas, cause that's probably the cliche thing to say cause everyone does that. But hey, I think I actually did. Or kind of, at least. Cause God blessed me with a loving family, a bunch of crazy cousins, delicious and sufficient food for every day of my life, and gave his only son for me. And I can't remember any Christmas, or any day as a matter of fact, when I felt so blessed and so fortunate.

This was printed on the back of the church bulletin and I found it kinda cute, so I thought I'd just share it.

Why Jesus is Better than Santa Claus
Santa lives at the North Pole...
Jesus is everywhere.
Santa rides in a sleigh...
Jesus rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year...
Jesus is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies...
Jesus supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited...
Jesus stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.
You have to wait in line to see Santa...
Jesus is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap...
Jesus lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?"...
Jesus knew our name before we were born. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly...
Jesus has a heart full of love.
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO...
Jesus offers health, help and hope.
Santa says "You better not cry"...
Jesus says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."
Santa's little helpers make toys...
Jesus makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.
Santa may make you chuckle but...
Jesus gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree...
Jesus became our gift and died on a tree... the cross.

We need to put Christ back in CHRISTmas, Jesus is still the reason for the season.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16).

2010-12-24T23:27:00.000+08:00

So, the year's finally coming to an end and honestly, I'm both excited about and afraid of 2011. It's gonna be a year full of challenges that will probably test my mental and physical strength (I foresee many all-nighters) and all that, but I shall leave this for the actual end of the year when I start reminiscing and thinking about 2010. For now, I shall stick to the usual daily rants about my usual daily life.

Met my darling Rhea-ians yesterday!! 8D Haven't seen them in forever so I was rather excited to get to catch up with them and all that. :D

Met Timong and Jing Rui first and I made a bet with myself that Timong would be wearing an ah peh t-shirt and slippers and guess what? I was right. (But I guess that also means I lose since I made a bet with myself right.) Hahaha. Then found Andrew Ong and Khoa (whom I had much communication problems with cause I couldn't figure out what he was saying about their location hahaha) and we spent like almost an hour wandering around PS to find a place to eat that could seat all of us cause PS was so ridiculously crowded. The only place that had seats was Pastamania but there were people from our school already seated inside and the guys didn't wanna go there so we kept walking past to see if they had left but we ended up going to Hot Tomato to eat hahaha. Then Beaurhys and Auds joined us like... ten million years later hahaha.

Then left a little early cause I had arranged to meet Tantan for ice cream and didn't wanna keep him waiting longer than I already had and I had so much fun. :) We had lunch at Macs at Serene and went to Island for ice cream before going to Coro to print photos and while waiting, he played Marry Me (By A Train) on the guitar! And a few people walked past and gave us funny looks but it was cool hee. Then he tried to teach me but err, I obviously failed. But I'm rather proud of myself cause I can still remember a few chords from sec one hoho.

Ok then family dinner tonight. David came over with Por Por and the rest and he and Chris were playing with the silly nerf gun thing and he lay on the couch and crouched down low and put his eye to the err... locator? It was rather... amusing. and I am sleepy. I think I'll blog more tmr.

2010-12-23T00:42:00.000+08:00

So this morning started off shittily enough, for which I shall spare the details cause it's not a very pleasant story that I'd like to recount.

But I cheered up progressively throughout the day cause I brought Chris swimming cause Momo wanted him to lose weight. We've been going swimming several times over the past few days but it doesn't seem to have much of an effect on him cause he's still as round as ever. But maybe that's cause he stuffs his face with Cadbury after every swim.

But what cheered me up the mostestestest was talking to Tantan tonight. :)

Cause I was in such a bad bad bad mood, I really really wanted ice cream and no one wanted to go for ice cream with me tmr so I just anyhow messaged him and said "Can we get ice cream tomorrow please please please :(" and I didn't expect him to say yes cause I know that he's busy tomorrow but he did!! And he said that he'd treat me!! (Not that I'm letting that happen, of course.) And knowing that he'd take time off his busy schedule just to have ice cream with me (though I think part of that is cause he knows that I was in a bad mood, but all the more touching it is) made me smile like mad and cheered me up a lot too. :) So ice cream date tomorrow and I am eggcitedddd! 8D

Then I called him and instead of our usual conversations which consist of "you're lousy" "no you're the lousy one" "oh this coming from you?" "yeah it's coming from me so it must be right" "you're so weird" "why am I weird" "cause I say so" "you're so weird" "hey!", we ended up playing Tap Tap for the whole entire 1.5 hours we were on the phone!! :D And it was super duper fun. :D We'd join the same rooms online and play the same song and somehow, he always came in 1st/2nd while I would come in like... 7th or 8th. :( Very saddening but still very fun. :)

So I am now a happy girl. :) I love my best friend. :)

And can't wait for the OG reunion tomorrow. :) It's gonna be fantabulous! And all your suckaz who can't make it/pretend that they can't make it, you guys are gonna missing out on awesome fun!! :D

2010-12-20T11:23:00.000+08:00

Omgosh! I can't believe I didn't blog about this!!

I SAW POONIE ON SATURDAYYYYYY!!!

When I was going to Expo with Tantan and his churchies and I was stumbling along in my graduation heels and trying to ignore the pain that my growing blisters were giving me (and was thus probably oblivious to everything else around me cause I was focusing too hard on not crying in pain), someone called my name and I turned around and I saw Poonie!!! :D And I think I made a fool of myself cause I kinda screamed and ran over to her to hug her hahaha.

But yeah I saw her!! And I was so excited!! :D :D I hadn't seen her since graduation (or Founders', whichever term you prefer). :D

So sat down and talked to her for a little while before I left her to join Tantan and the rest again.

AND HIIII POONIE! I know you're reading this hoho :D

2010-12-20T00:30:00.000+08:00

† Χάος θρύλος † Whatever the future may bring, the magic will remain in all of us † says (12:15 AM):
*you're in a foul mood today?
Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:16 AM):
*eh how you know
   † Χάος θρύλος † Whatever the future may bring, the magic will remain in all of us † says (12:16 AM):
*your blog is public
Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:16 AM):
*ah right.
   † Χάος θρύλος † Whatever the future may bring, the magic will remain in all of us † says (12:17 AM):
*what happened?
Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:18 AM):
*sigh fought with King Lear* but nothing new
*k lets talk about sth happy
   † Χάος θρύλος † Whatever the future may bring, the magic will remain in all of us † says (12:19 AM):
*is that healthy? I mean fighting with her so often even though _____________ ._.
Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:19 AM):
*well
*cheese balls aren't healthy but i still eat them cause i love them.
   † Χάος θρύλος † Whatever the future may bring, the magic will remain in all of us † says (12:20 AM):
*that's like saying you love the fights
Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:20 AM):
*no not really
*the relationship (or friendship, if you prefer the term) is the unhealthy part.
*not the person
*or i guess if the relationship is unhealthy, the person is too.
*so cheeseballs are unhealthy, the relationship is unhealthy
   † Χάος θρύλος † Whatever the future may bring, the magic will remain in all of us † says (12:22 AM):
*why are we even going into the semantics of this? :/
Michelle Twinkles (R) says (12:22 AM):
*hahaha
*i dont know
*i think i shall blog abt my cheeseball analogy

*Names have been changed, yes.

Cheeseballs aren't healthy but I still eat them cause I love them.

2010-12-19T23:50:00.001+08:00

Alright I'm grumpy so I shall blog cause I'm evidently not gonna get any work done while I'm in such a foul mood.

Went for Christmas Magic last night with Tantan and his churchies. But met them at Food For Thought before that and it took absolutely forever to find the place. I walked around practically the whole of the National Library (in my graduation heels, no less), looking for the darn place cause Tantan told me that it was at the library before he said that it was opposite the building. ._. But nehmind, a little exercise is good sometimes.

And and I saw Claudsssss!! 8D I was so excited to see her hoho. I texted her after Tantan asked me if she was there and omg, she was sitting in the block right in front of me! So I slowly squeezed out of the row to look for her and while waiting for Tantan to squeeze out too, this crazy girl suddenly ran up from the side and hugged me and screamed and I was so stunned for a while till I realised that it was her and we both started jumping and hugging and screaming hahaha. It must have been quite a sight but nehmind! I was so excited. :)

Thennnn today, I spent the entire day sleeping. Sigh.

And btw, my toenail came out on Friday night. I stuck my foot under a sofa cause I stretching and the toenail plucked off when my foot got caught on sth. Sigh.

2010-12-18T00:19:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone!!

So I spent like close to 12 hours at Starbucks today and I swear I was dying till Winston and I decided to go over to Coro to get some food before I left for dinner with Tantan and his churchies since Shawn's going to Cambodia for a while. I was seriously damn bored at Starbucks. Other than cutting close to 1100 words from my EE and reading about half (or at least more than a third) of Paddy, I did absolutely nothing. Winston and I spent most of the time playing iPhone games or trying to get past a stupid darn level of Cut The Rope (and btw, we're still unsuccessful).

Then played Monopoly Deal with him at Golden Rooster and I am very sad to say that he won 4 games. Out of 4. :( I was exceedingly depressed over it. :( We then attempted to calculate the probability of him winning 4 out of 4 games and it was like, 6% or something like that. Assuming that our skill in the game is equal, of course.

Met Tantan and his friends at some rather cool cafe-ish place at Bukit Timah Shopping Centre and it was fun. :) Shawn was being exceptionally strange and funny. And he kept making anti-climax comments hahaha. He's seriously damn crazy.

And off to Macs at Beauty World to play 2 rounds of Monopoly Deal (and I won both hoho. I redeemed myself!!) and I felt absolutely epic hahahaha. I was the youngest there okay!! :) Everyone there had finished JC/whatever courses they're in/18+. I AM SO AWESOME.

2010-12-16T20:13:00.000+08:00

Went out with CFF volunteers today!! :) I thought it was just gonna be lunch, so I brought Paddy along to read after lunch to kill time but ended up spending the entire day with them.

So met Xiao Ting and Si Yun at the MRT station and Xiao Ting told me about her very amusing stories regarding public transport. She's really not fated to take public transport hahaha. Then while waiting for the rest to come, we hobo-ed and sat on the steps together and people were giving us strange looks. And Xiao Ting is seriously the most crazy and hyper person ever. She says the most anti-climax things that leave you wondering what even made her say them in the first place. Hahaha. You'd expect an RGS girl to be a little more sane hahaha.

Then sent Chun Han to buy tickets from Cathay first hahaha.

So Panda, Jeffrey, Yao Meng (the only camper who came), Dana, Hui Mei, De Jun, Jin Kai and Jeslyn all came but we had to split up cause we were to big a group to fit anywhere. So the youngies (i.e. those aged between 15 and 17) went to Mos while the oldies (i.e. those aged 21 and above) went to KFC.

Went to watch Tron with Panda, Jeffrey, Yao Meng, Chun Han, Xiao Ting, Si Yun and Jeslyn and it was... urgh. Hahaha. I really didn't like it and Chun Han and Panda kept giving me funny looks throughout the movie cause I tend to get rather jumpy at the scary parts and would like pounce on someone or grab someone's arm or something. And according to them, the movie wasn't even scary at all.

Went to the arcade after that and I felt super out of place cause I never ever go to arcades but we played some amusing games and Si Yun, Jeslyn and I played some shooting game. And Si Yun obviously won cause she's an RGS shooter hahaha.

Then dinner together at the food court and now back home.

I actually had quite a good time today. It was fun seeing all of them properly without having to worry about our respective campers and tending to their needs and everything and like just focus on building our own friendships. Like I never knew that Xiao Ting is that... insane. And Si Yun is so sweet. And Chun Han is so pro at arcade games And Jeffrey is pretty gentlemanly for giving me his seat cause of my toe. And Panda is well... I've known Panda for a year so yeah hahaha. And Jeslyn likes sushi even though she forgets about it and leaves it on the floor.

Yeah so I had a great time. :)

2010-12-13T20:24:00.000+08:00

Tantan came over today! And he won in Monopoly Deal. :( And he adds Miranda Orange into his Ribena and says that the combination is the most unique taste he has ever tasted and when he shakes the glass to err, "jingle" the ice cubes, he says "Do you hear that? That is the sound of happiness." ._.

Days spent with Tantan are always days well spent. :) I love my best friend. :)

2010-12-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

Alright so. Camp For Friends is over.

I guess I'm kinda relieved cause it was a really long and tiring five days. A very fun five days, but very exhausting. Both mentally and physically. Cause you really gotta think ahead of yourself, try to figure out what the kids mean when they do certain things, etc. And especially when taking care of Arnaud and you gotta try and understand what he's trying to convey through his facial expressions/hand actions, it is seriously no joke. And physically, well I guess that's self-explanatory.

So on the last day, we had the usual three activities (but instead of foosball we played Jenga) before having a super awesome pizza + spaghetti party! I ate super damn a lot and I feel really guilty for it now but heck. It was the last day of camp. Gotta enjoy it in every way right.

Then they had the certificates and everything and suddenly halfway through everything, Arnaud just got up to leave and we all didn't know till like Tiffany or someone shouted "Michelle! Arnaud's leaving!!" and I turned around to see him walking out of the building and Manda and I panicked and chased him and I don't know what came over me but I started crying haha. It's quite ridiculous actually. I guess maybe it's just the suddenness of him going without saying bye even though I know that he probably doesn't know better, or realising that I'd never see him again after spending so long with him and getting to know his little quirks and habits, or growing so emotionally attached to him over the days cause we were the only ones he hang out with during the camp, I don't know. But I felt ridiculous to be standing there, crying like a silly baby and laughing through my tears at my ridiculousness.

I guess this camp really affected me in ways that I never thought it would. Like when I signed up, I just did it cause I had nothing else to do during my hols and perhaps to try and beef up my CV while I still could, but I didn't really expect it to be anything different from what I'd previously volunteered for. So yeah. The camp was directed towards these teenagers, these participants. To help them open up and make friends with others with similar learning disabilities. But I think it's pretty safe to say that it did much, much more to the volunteers. Or at least, it did so for me.

2010-12-12T11:30:00.000+08:00

Sigh. I'm gonna die from anxiety. Googling all this does not help.

2010-12-10T17:22:00.000+08:00

YAYYYY TANTAN'S COMING OVER ON MONDAY YAYYYYYY WE'RE GONNA WATCH HELLO STRANGER YAYYYYYYY I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN TEN MILLION YEARS CAUSE OF STUPID NS BOOOOO BUT YAYYYYY I'M GONNA SEE HIM SOON YAYYYYYYY

2010-12-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

So second last day of Camp For Friends! And I'm actually kinda sad that it's ending though I'm really super duper exhausted from all the running around and having to be patient all the time.

Well brought the participants to Marina Barrage today to fly the kites that they made on Monday but it kinda failed. There were a few successful kites that actually managed to fly properly, but most of them dropped down after a while.

When Arnaud's kite managed to go up, I started jumping around like a mad woman and screaming and I was just so happy cause I thought that it'd never go up, then I calmed down and it came crashing down and couldn't go up again. ._. And since the wind was so strong, we decided to use a proper kite to prevent his kite from getting destroyed by the wind and everything.

But even with the proper kite, we still kinda failed at flying it hahaha. I destroyed three kites. The centre string for one came out, the kite string for another broke, and the last kite got caught in a tree and refused to come out. :(

Then Manda and I tried to retrieve Mrs Goh's kite, which got stuck in a tree, and we kept pulling and pulling at it and it finally came out and when it did, we screamed and jumped too, and like barely a minute later, it got stuck in another tree while we tried to draw it back in. ._. And while trying to get that, we moved around a lot, trying to maneuver the kite and did all sorts of funny things but the string snapped in the end. ._.

And while all this drama was going on, Arnaud was happily sitting in the shade, watching his two beautiful student volunteers burn their faces looking up at the sun, trying and failing to get a kite into the air so that he could fly it hahaha. He's damn funny. :) Sigh I'm gonna miss him when the whole camp is over.

Then we went on a tour of Marina Barrage, which was actually pretty cool though no one was really listening cause we were all too tired to really do anything.

After camp ended, Manda and I wanted to catch Easy A cause we were somehow under the impression that Plaza was showing it at 5.25 (stupid insing app gives wrong info) but it turned out that it wasn't after a random check on the insing app. We were wondering whether to rush for the 4.20 show at Cine but we were too hungry and just decided to go to Plaza to eat rubbish hahaha.

So got a ball of blue yarn from Spotlight and a pair of cheapo bamboo knitting needles from Daiso cause my steel needles from Spotlight have gone all bendy and my pink wool is running out. Tried knitting just now but my cheapo blue yarn isn't being very nice. It keeps going all stringy and gross, kinda like raffia string or something.

And now, I've watched 1.2 episodes of my drama, so I think it's time to go sleep. Or find something to wear cause we're gonna have a party tomorrow!! :D Heehee.

Sigh. On Monday, it seemed like Friday was so long away and that the camp would never end. Probably cause Monday was such a tiring day for all of us and I didn't really know how to communicate with Arnaud yet so it was really, really exhausting and felt like I was going absolutely nowhere with him cause he was giving us very little response. But now that I've warmed up to him and he gives me frequent high-fives and allows me to mess up his hair and hold his hand and all that (haha I've even learnt how to react to his scary and violent handshakes and sudden pounces and hand-around-the-waist-thing), and just basically gotten to know him as well as I possibly can within such a short span of time, it feels like Friday is coming too soon. :(

2010-12-08T18:49:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone!!

So yesterday, we brought the participants to Boat Quay to go on the Singapore River Cruise and Arnaud kept giving us minor heart attacks cause he kept running all over the place or didn't wanna get onto or off the MRT or stuff like that. Manda and I really had to keep a close eye on him practically all the time. And tomorrow, most of the other volunteers in our group can't make it for the Marina Barrage outing so Manda and I are gonna have three campers on our hands and we can barely even handle one on our own omg.

Then today!! They went around the school on some amazing race thing but Arnauld didn't wanna do it so we sat down and played Mancala for a while but he gave us so Manda and I played while making sure that he didn't run around or anything, AND I WON TWO GAMES OH YEAHHHH! And we tied two. And we played four games in total. HEEEE. :D Serves Manda right for poking my pepperoni and making me scream out in pain (my pepperoni is my bruise btw. I call it my pepperoni cause it looks like one.).

And we played some parachute game where we had to move our hands up and down and it got so tiring after a while that I just stopped and went to play more Mancala with Jeff and OH YEAHHH I won two games! Out of two!! :D YAYYYY my JC brain is bigger than his uni brain haha.

So yeah. Tomorrow's gonna be crazy and. I'm hungry. Bye!

2010-12-06T20:13:00.000+08:00

I am really super duper exhausted but I think I shall blog cause I rly don't wanna do TOK and I've already watched one episode of my drama so I can't watch another. :S

So anyway. Today was the first day of Camp For Friends!! :) It's a week-long day camp for teenagers with mild intellectual disabilities. And frankly speaking, it was a lot more exhausting than I thought it'd be. I was dying of err, for lack of a better word, exhaustion, on the train home and really didn't feel like doing anything but sleep. I was so darn tired.

But it was actually kinda fun. :) We played Foosball, which I did for the first time in my life, watched the campers play Wii, played some interactive river cleaning video game or something like that. And we taught (or rather, we learnt then tried to teach) the campers how to make kites, which was really pretty cool.

Manda and I got paired up with this boy and it was initially a little difficult to communicate with him cause he didn't really speak much but after a while, you kinda get used to his actions and what he's trying to convey through them. Like a thumbs-up would mean that he's agreeable to it or that he's happy with how things have turned out, while holding his palm towards us would mean that he doesn't want to do something or doesn't need to do it (like go to the toilet). And he'd high five us a lot or give us rather vigorous handshakes that could be quite intimidating and shocking at first but you kinda get used to it haha. But yeah he's a rather sweet boy.

So then we had a bit of trouble wondering how he wanted to decorate his name tag and his kite but we ended up doing most of the work for him with him guiding us on what to do through his thumbs-ups or other actions and all that, and let him do a bit of the easy stuff like using stamps to decorate the stuff. He especially loved the smiley faces haha. So his kite was like super spammed with smiley faces, drawn by Manda and I. Hehe. :)

The kite making was particularly fun. We had to cut this thin piece of paper into a perfect square, use thin bamboo sticks as the backbone and bend it properly and symmetrically and all that. Manda and I wasted damn a lot of glue by gluing our hands and all that cause it was rather addictive to wait for the glue to dry and peel the dried glue off our skin like a second skin HAHA. It was quite funny.

Ice cream time was awesome. :D Chocolate ice cream ftw. :D

Then they played ball games while Manda, Tiffany and I played I Never hahaha.

And yeah, it doesn't seem like we did that much but it was really super tiring to have to look after someone. It's really amazing how parents do it all the time. Respect + 500, in Joel's words hahaha. But really, this experience, or rather this day alone, was a rather humbling experience. It forced me to be exceedingly patient when I would have otherwise screamed at someone haha.

We're bringing the campers to Singapore River tomorrow to go on the cruise or whatever it is. I'm quite excited actually. But needless to say, tomorrow's gonna be a really crazy and long day, so I gotta sleep early. Haha.

2010-12-04T12:23:00.000+08:00

Okay since I rly don't feel like doing TOK, I might as well do something productive with my time, yes? And by "productive", I mean blogging. :D Cause I figured that I might as well blog as much as I can now while I still can afford the time to do so before next year when IAs, World Lit, TOK, EE, IOC, blah blah blah, start flooding in and I find myself so swamped with homework that I just wanna cry and die. (Not that I don't already feel like doing so most of the time this year already but you know what I mean.)

But you know what the funny thing is? As much as I love complaining about work and all that, the sense of satisfaction that you derive upon finishing something huge or completing a shitload of homework that you never thought you'd actually finish is so overwhelming that you just wanna do more work. But of course, that feeling is short-lived, looking at how... anti-work I've become.

Take August for example. August was like, the ultimate killer month. IOP, TOK presentation, TOK essay, EE research, science IAs (though I don't rly count Physics IAs hahaha). Yeah it seems so darn little and easy but it was so crazy cause we had like almost one presentation/major thing due every week and it seemed like we had so little time to prepare for everything but omg when September rolled around and I stood back and looked at how much I had accomplished in the whole of August, and think about what I'd been doing at that time of the year in 2009, I looked like some MSN smiley. :D

But anyway, back to the main point of this blog post, which is my outing with Clauds and Rapunzel with Lyd. :D

So met up with Clauds and ate at Everything With Fries (I am addicted to that place, I swear), which Clauds very fondly knows as "EWF" (pronounced as eew-f by Clauds) and caught up over lunch and it seemed like we had so much to say before we actually met up cause the last time I'd seen her was at graduation, which was in July. And the last time I'd actually talked to her properly was... hmm probably during one of our Happy Recesses back in MG.

So yeah then we just wandered around, went to Ion and she got froyo while I got my awesome white cheese popcorn and we sat down and took retarded photos, which can be seen on FB cause I'm just too lazy to upload them on my blog.

Then finally went over to Wisma to start queuing for our (almost) free Starbucks drink. We went there at like 4.30 and it was so packed already but we managed to share a table with some other guy and his girlfriend but we felt so awkward so we left and went to queue but then we noticed some Caucasian couple getting up from their table and leaving so while Clauds remained in the queue, I ran like a mad chicken to grab our bags and plonk them at the table just as they left while Clauds leaned over the railing and used her hand and her walle to "chope" the seat HAHA. It was epicly funny cause people were actually staring at our kiasu-ness hahahah.

Got our drinks and felt extremely satisfied and happy. Then we went separate ways. :( But of course, not without promises to meet up again soon (which will probably be like at the end of A's/IB).

Then yesterday morning, ended up at Plaza at 7.30 am and had breakfast at Macs with Paddy Clarke while waiting for Lyd to come, and met her and watched her have her breakfast at Starbucks before leaving to catch our 10 o clock movie.

And let me just say... THE MOVIE WAS SOOOOO AWESOMEEEEEE.

Omg. I want Rapunzel's hair. It is so long and gorgeous and despite it being a Disney movie meant for kids, it still managed to terrify me at the scary parts, where I jumped onto Lyd and grabbed onto her hands and dug my long nails into her arms while she tried to wrestle her arm out of my grip hahaha.

But yeah it was so amazing and so romantic. I love Flynn Rider. He is so gorgeous, even though he is just a cartoon character. But his eyes. Omg. His eyes. And Rapunzel's eyes are so amazing too.

Sigh I love Disney movies. :)

It had just the right mix of romance, tears, humour and of course, hot (cartoon) men hehehe :P

2010-12-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

HI EVERYONE. I AM TOO LAZY TO BLOG PROPERLY BUT OMG I NEEDA BLOG ABOUT GREY'S.

“I know right now you see the machines and the damage but he's still there.”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT MADE ME CRY :( :( :(

Btw, spoilers alert.

Cristina is driving me crazy. This whole crazy depression of hers is making me crazy cause I miss that crazy old surgeon and I want her back in an OR, giving orders and wearing nappies, pronto. And seriously, this whole Derek-Cristina bonding time is kinda creeping me out a little cause I'm so darn afraid that Cristina will go all crazy on Derek for like somewhat "rescuing" her from her depression and suddenly they'll be cheating on their spouses AND NOOOOO MER-DER 4 LYFE.

And and omg, LEXIE AND MARK KISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE FINALLY! My favourite Grey's couple! They should seriously remain together forever and ever and NEVER EVER EVER break up. I felt like MY heart was breaking when they broke up. :( Omg!! And I love how Mark still loves Lexie so much even after so long cause he's such a casanova and stuff. But dayum he is some hot stuff.

And OHMASHIZZZ I totally never expected Arizona to like pop out from nowhere and come back from Africa to get Callie back. And srsly, Callie slammed the door in her face? Like dude, that woman gave up some medical grant for you and travels across continents and you slam the door in her face?? I mean, yeah she did leave you alone in the airport and made you get some crazy (albeit rather cool) hair cut but DAMN, you guys were actually somewhat cute together, with the whole lesbian thing aside. BUT NO, ARIZONA YOU HAVE TO GET CALLIE BACK!!

Alright that 40 minutes of Grey's made my day, not counting the phone call with Tantan earlier on cause that always makes my day. But Grey's = (Y) Though I was kinda hoping for a little more considering that they deprived us of Grey's last week cause of Thanksgiving and all but NEVERMIND, ALL IS GOOD. I LOVE GREY'S OH YEAHHHHHH.

K end of Grey's post.

2010-12-03T20:11:00.000+08:00

Updates are due, but I'm gonna bathe first. And if I feel like it, I'll blog later hahaha.

But anyway, I have to write about my awesome outing with Clauds yesterday + Rapunzel with Lyd today.

2010-12-01T14:55:00.000+08:00

I am a very happy happy girl. :)

Tuition yesterday was... sigh. But I found out that Gracey goes to my tuition centre too!!! It's kinda cool. I got like a minor heart attack when she said hi to me and I looked up and saw her scary face hahaha. But this is good. Maybe I can get a ride to tuition from Ah Yee now heehee *hopeful*

And Tantan came over in the afternoon, which made me happy too! He always makes me happy. :) And and and he did really well for his bmat exam!!! :D Which he totally deserved seeing how much and how crazily he studied for that silly test. I knew he'd do well but that crazy poopy was still so nervous and retarded just before his paper tsk tsk. BUT YAYYYYY he did so well!! He totally owned everyone, I'm sure. :)

Then went grocery shopping with Daddy and Aunty Merla last night but it was mainly just me and Aunty Merla cause Daddy went to cut his hair. Then Aunty Merla and I went kinda crazy and bought all kinds of stupid unhealthy food, like seaweed chicken, honey baked ham (800 grams, no less!), string cheese sticks, loads of instant noodles, and like two bottles of coke and a gigantic bottle of Ribena oh yeahhhhh. We're gonna have a party next week. Just her, me, and probably a whole load of romantic comedy DVDs. :D Oh wait, and maybe my TOK slides as well. Sigh sigh sigh.

2010-11-30T12:30:00.000+08:00

I had a great day yesterday!! :)

Tuition with my Non-Friends yesterday was retarded as usual. He kept talking nonsense, but he let me draw on him more this time. I kinda pity him for always having his hands drawn on but it's kinda difficult not to draw on people during math class cause math is just so dry without drawing.

Met Xuanners at Starbucks in Wisma and nearly died of laughter when I saw her hahahahaha. I don't mean it in a bad way okay. Her haircut is damn cute and cool but it was just such a sudden and unexpected change that I couldn't take it hahaha. She really looks super adorable but she refuses to let me take a photo. :(

Then Joel called while Xuanners was ordering some food and I picked up and pretended to have kidnapped Xuanners and told him that we were at the Starbucks in Chinatown but he knew instantly that it was me. :( Bummer. :( I then tried the same to Ivan when he called Joel and I very nearly fooled him!! But it was raining so I just gave in and told him where we were haha.

So we were supposed to go to Seoul Garden but Xuanners and I didn't want to so we went to Everything With Fries in the end, which seems to be the place we always go to. ._. And we played Monopoly Deal while interrogating Ivan on his love life!! :) Hoho.

Monopoly Deal was funnnnn. I won one game!!! Out of three or four heeheeee. :D

Xuanners left and I went to Plaza to replace my earphones and met Tantan there for like 20 minutes before leaving to meet Ivan and Joel at Ion again.

They were staring at some cool popcorn place that had such strange yet amazing flavours. I think the worst I tried was the tandoori chicken flavour. :S That was really nasty but the guys seemed to love it and wanted to get it but we decided on the white cheese! Which made me really happy heehee. :D It was so so delicioussss. :D They had other strange flavours like bubblegum, banana (omg Joel liked it and I found it so so gross), wasabi, etc. And like. Grape soda. ._.

So sat down and talked and we somehow started playing with my hair and doing all sorts of coolio hairstyles, like having some samurai bun on top of my head hahaha.

Ahhhh fun stuff. :) Gonna miss my Happy Four Friends when IB's over. I had a great day guys. :)

2010-11-28T22:38:00.002+08:00

Mr Jstn and I are officially non-friends. :(

2010-11-28T11:29:00.000+08:00

Every Time You Lie
(Demi Lovato)

You told me on a Sunday
That it wasn't gonna work
I tried to cry myself to sleep
'Cause it was supposed to hurt
We sat next to the fire
As the flame was burning out
I knew what you were thinking
Before you'd say it aloud

Don't say your sorry, 'cause I'm not even breaking
You're not worth the time that this is taking

I knew better than to let you break my heart
This soul you'll never see again, won't be showing scars
You still love her I can see it in your eyes
The truth is all that I can hear
Every time you lie

I woke up the next morning
With a smile on my face
And a long list of gentlemen
Happy to take your place
Less trashier, much classier
Then who you prove to be
How long's it gonna take before
You see that she's no me

At night, awake
I will be sleeping till morning breaks
That's the price you pay, for your mistakes
Goodbye to dreaming

So don't say your sorry, because I'm not gonna listen

Haha I heard this song on my phone today on the way home from church and I kinda laughed to myself cause the lyrics are so fitting.

Don't say you're sorry, cause I'm not even breaking.